At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, many countries see their populations consist of more young adults than older
people
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.
While
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this
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creates drawbacks,
such
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as higher necessity for
education
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and job availability, I believe the main benefits,
such
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as a more productive
workforce
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and economic improvement, outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, higher demand for
education
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and jobs is the main disadvantage of the high young adult population.
This
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is because
education
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is essential to create well-educated young
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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are ready to enter the
workforce
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and
further
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improve their country.
Moreover
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, with the high number of young
people
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, it is necessary to create decent, well-paid jobs that are accessible to young
people
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.
However
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, I believe
this
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is essential for a country to reach high economic
growth
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.
For example
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,
Indonesia
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has implemented various
education
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and economic strategies in order to achieve its goal of "the 2045 Golden Generation" which is when
Indonesia
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reached a population surplus.
On the other hand
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, the main advantages of the higher number of young
people
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are a more productive
workforce
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and potential economic improvement. Compared to the elderly, young generations are more productive
due to
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their physical, mental, and social capacities.
As a result
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, more
people
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are able to work and generate needed surplus value which is pivotal for a country to achieve good economic
growth
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.
For instance
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,
Indonesia
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predicts that in 2045, with the productive population higher than the unproductive,
Indonesia
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will achieve substantial economic
growth
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, making it one of the biggest economies internationally.
To conclude
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, I believe more productive
workforce
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and potential economic
growth
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as the advantages of higher young adults compared to older
people
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in many countries outweigh the disadvantages of the need for more
education
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and accessible jobs.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Try to delve deeper into your examples to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Excellent introduction and conclusion that clearly outline the essay’s argument and summary.
task achievement
The essay remains focused on the question and provides a well-rounded argument.
task achievement
Effective use of specific examples related to Indonesia’s demographic trends to support the points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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