At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation

Nowadays, many countries see their populations consist of more young adults than older

people

While

this

creates drawbacks,

such

as higher necessity for

education

and job availability, I believe the main benefits,

such

as a more productive

workforce

and economic improvement, outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, higher demand for

education

and jobs is the main disadvantage of the high young adult population.

This

is because

education

is essential to create well-educated young

people

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

are ready to enter the

workforce

and

further

improve their country.

Moreover

, with the high number of young

people

, it is necessary to create decent, well-paid jobs that are accessible to young

people

However

, I believe

this

is essential for a country to reach high economic

growth

For example

Indonesia

has implemented various

education

and economic strategies in order to achieve its goal of "the 2045 Golden Generation" which is when

Indonesia

reached a population surplus.

On the other hand

, the main advantages of the higher number of young

people

are a more productive

workforce

and potential economic improvement. Compared to the elderly, young generations are more productive

due to

their physical, mental, and social capacities.

As a result

, more

people

are able to work and generate needed surplus value which is pivotal for a country to achieve good economic

growth

For instance

Indonesia

predicts that in 2045, with the productive population higher than the unproductive,

Indonesia

will achieve substantial economic

growth

, making it one of the biggest economies internationally.

To conclude

, I believe more productive

workforce

and potential economic

growth

as the advantages of higher young adults compared to older

people

in many countries outweigh the disadvantages of the need for more

education

and accessible jobs.

Submitted by aribawadzaki on Wed Nov 06 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

Try to delve deeper into your examples to enhance clarity and depth.

coherence cohesion

Excellent introduction and conclusion that clearly outline the essay’s argument and summary.

task achievement

The essay remains focused on the question and provides a well-rounded argument.

task achievement

Effective use of specific examples related to Indonesia’s demographic trends to support the points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people think the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way that a government can reduce the traffic congestion in cities is to provide public transport free of cost to people 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In some parts of the world, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

1.Please share your motivation for undertaking this programme?1.Please share your motivation for undertaking this programme?

Children are under more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?