IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employee rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What is the disadvantage of being self-employee?

#people #self-employee #work #company #organization #be #case
In
this
 digitalization era, the trend
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 self-employed has become more popular. Many
people
 prefer to work independently rather than to work in an institution. In
this
 essay, I will explain the reasons why
this
 happening and the drawbacks of
this
 issue. Many
people
 believe that working independently gives
flexible
Correct pronoun usage
them flexible
show examples
time
 and with the massive growth of social media lately, it makes
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
 for
people
 who have the right skills to advertise their services or goods to
people
 directly. Unlike working with a company where one has to go to the office every day, being an entrepreneur allows them to schedule their own
time
.
For example
, a housewife whose
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
main focus is raising her children might still have a
business
 by selling home-made food from home without leaving their kids. Despite these advantages, the financial stability is one of the main drawbacks. In the office job, the company always gives salaries every month regardless of the financial situation.
However
,
this
 doesn’t apply to the
self-employee
Correct your spelling
self-employed
show examples
. The money comes on a daily basis depending on how much they make the sale.
In addition
 to that, building a
business
 or brand demands a lot of
time
 and unfortunately, there is no guarantee that it works. A make-up artist
for instance
 needs review and strong branding for
people
 to trust their services, in order to do that at the beginning of the
business
 they have to sell their services at a lower price than the market or often give them for free in exchange for good reviews. In conclusion,
although
 being self-employed offers benefits
such
 as flexibility in regard to
time
 and place, it
also
 comes with major setbacks
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 financial risk and high demand of
time
 at the beginning of the
business
.
Submitted by kkomariyah92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to develop ideas with more depth and detail.
task achievement
Explore examples and evidence more thoroughly for a robust response.
coherence cohesion
Work on more fluid transitions between paragraphs for increased cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Aim to connect ideas more seamlessly for improved logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided relevant points and examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
The topic is addressed clearly at the beginning and revisited in the conclusion, providing a consistent focus.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: