IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Students
Use synonyms
 have different views about choices of disciplines
what
Correct word choice
and what
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 they should do at university.
While
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 some believe that it would be preferred for
students
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 to pay attention to only the primary
subjects
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, others think that they should study different
subjects
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. I argue that everyone should be able to choose the
subjects
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what
Correct word choice
that
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 they want. On the one hand, many
students
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 want to learn not only main
subjects
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 but
also
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 other disciplines. After finishing university, the graduates have an additional opportunity when they look for a job.
As a result
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,
knowledge
Add an article
the knowledge
a knowledge
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that is
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 received from other programs could be useful to change the profession or
possibility
Correct article usage
the possibility
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 of
getting
Verb problem
achieving
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 career growth.
For example
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, some companies prefer workers with various skills
such
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 as multitasking,
social
Correct word choice
and social
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 and physical abilities.
Moreover
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, additional skills can have advantages in the quickly changing world.
On the other hand
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, some professions should require more concentration just on main
subjects
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. It could relate to works who connected with human life
such
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 as doctors.
Therefore
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,
this
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 has more time and resources.
For example
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, certain categories of doctors, like cardiologists, should spend all their time on
subjects
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 that are studied, the structure of the heart.
In addition
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, the medical organization could require
from
Change preposition
apply
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intern
Fix the agreement mistake
interns
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 to choose
the
Correct article usage
a
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 definite specialization. In conclusion, some
students
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 prefer to study other disciplines than to focus only on main
subjects
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. I think that extra knowledge could be useful for future careers,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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curtain
Correct your spelling
certain
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 professions are required to concentrate on primary
subjects
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 because they take a big responsibility

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer, more focused main points in each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance your introduction by clearly outlining your points, which will provide a stronger framework for your discussion.
task achievement
In your conclusion, reinforce the main arguments made in the body paragraphs to leave a stronger impression on the reader.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear understanding of both sides of the argument, showcasing your ability to analyze differing viewpoints.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as referencing cardiology and various skills in the workforce, adds depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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