IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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These days, there is ongoing debate regarding increase in the sugary
products
Use synonyms
. In consequence, opinions are divided, some sections of society hold the idea that a rise of items that contain
sugar
Use synonyms
 could be difficult to acquire by consumers,
whereas
Linking Words
 others consider that with the high range
illnesses
Change preposition
of illnesses
show examples
 that exist worldwide
due to
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption,
this
Linking Words
 restriction will help them to improve health . I absolutely agree with
this
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 latter point and
this
Linking Words
 essay explains my main reasons. As far as complex access to purchase these
products
Use synonyms
 there are several arguments to support the notion that (when the prices of certain articles are controlled in
this
Linking Words
 case of
sugar
Use synonyms
 to
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 class they could not get.
This
Linking Words
 opinion has been sustained by the fact that in China working class eats
sugar
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, and flour and rises because of the low cost
in addition
Linking Words
 to offering energy in these positions.
For example
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, the Mexican government has a higher tax on unhealthy
as a result
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 basic market
products
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such
Linking Words
 as milk,
sugar
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, and eggs currently now
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more expensive.
However
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, as I see
this
Linking Words
 it can be more beneficial for health with
sugar
Use synonyms
 taxes. The first and foremost reason to advocate that
this
Linking Words
 product should be more expensive, and
this
Linking Words
 helps to stop some diseases is, regulated access.
In other words
Linking Words
, the world population suffer from body issues
due to
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 prejudicial ingredients, by significantly increasing the price of these, consumers will not want to spend money on getting them.
For instance
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, France drastically reduced sales of sugary
products
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, because they must pay more taxes In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are those who support the idea that some foods are harder for low-income people to obtain, I must insist that by reducing sales of harmful
products
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, people will have a healthier old age.
Submitted by dannyrrng33 on

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development
Try to develop your ideas more fully by elaborating on the examples you give. This can help to illustrate your points more effectively.
logical flow
Work on enhancing the flow of your ideas between paragraphs to create a more cohesive argument. Consistency and clear thread of argument will boost readability and understanding.
clarity
Ensure to clarify your reasoning and purpose for each paragraph to solidify the essay's purpose and enhance the task response.
introduction
The essay introduces the topic and standpoint clearly, making it easy to follow your argument from the start.
conclusion
You have included a conclusion that reinforces your opinion clearly, which helps support the overall coherence of the essay.
logical structure
There's a clear effort to present logical arguments for why increasing the price of sugary products could lead to reduced consumption and improved health conditions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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