: There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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By developing smartphones and widespread
of using
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use

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them, several issues in terms of medical and technical ones would
be
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apply

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occured
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occur

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. These problems can be seen in different shapes
incuding
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including

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tending to have
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a sedantry
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a sedantry

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sedantry
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sedentary
lifestyle or facing
lack
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a lack

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of concentration.
Although
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it is argued that cell
phones
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may have certain negative points, I firmly agree that the positive points of
smarphones
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smartphones

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could overshadow the drawbacks. It is undeniable that mobile
phones
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have
revelutionized
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revolutionized
revolutionised

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the community world and
make
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made

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several duties rather easier. I
conceade
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concede
conclude
concealed

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that doing many
tasks
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have
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has

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become faster and easier, the problem is that, by
this
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approach, the vast majority of people prefer to have
dormant
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a dormant

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lifstyle
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lifestyle

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without activity.
Moreover
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, since smartphones act as a bridge to amazing social media, I think, several individuals are not able to
focous
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focus

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on their
works
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work

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or
study
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studies

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as well as
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before anymore. I
aknowledge
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acknowledge

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that social media have far
veriouse
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various
serious

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Change preposition
of contents
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of contents

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contents
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content
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for learning or
entertaining
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entertainment

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, the problem is that, sometimes,
this
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become
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becomes

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distactive
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disruptive

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.
On the other hand
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, cell
phones
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improve some ways of communication and
also
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, make it cheaper and more accessible regardless of location.
for instance
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, many people are able to communicate all around the world with each other with instant
massaging
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messaging

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apps. Apart from that, mobile
phones
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introduce
a new methods
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new methods
a new method

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun methods in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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of
lifstyle
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lifestyle

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in order to not only increase the speed of some
works
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work

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such
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as
tasks
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related to bank and
acounting
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accounting
counting

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,
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apply

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but
also
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make those
tasks
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far more accurate without any
disturbing
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disturbance

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. Doing
tasks
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with mobile
phones
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, would decrease or even prevent some annoying situations
such
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as traffic jams or standing in long
ques
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queues

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. All being said,
apealing
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appealing

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to
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a sedantry
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a sedantry

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sedantry
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sedentary
pedantry
lifstyle
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lifestyle

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and having
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a problem
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Add an article
a problem

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problem
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problems
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with concentrating would be some kinds of issues with
outbreaking
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the outbreaking

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of
smarphones
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smartphones

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.
While
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cell
phones
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are said to have several drawbacks, I wholeheartedly believe that
advantages
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the advantages

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os
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of

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mobile
phones
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overcome
disadvantages
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the disadvantages

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.
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

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task achievement
To enhance your task response, consider expanding on your arguments with more detailed examples and deeper analysis. This could strengthen your position on whether the problems of mobile phones outweigh the benefits.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use more varied linking phrases and ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively wraps up your arguments.
task achievement
You have identified several key issues related to mobile phone usage, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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