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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The line graph compares information about male and female
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gym
membership
Use synonyms
 between 1980 and 2010. The graphic has
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the vertical axis the number of
Use synonyms
membership
Replace the word
members
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 and
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the horizontal axis are the years with
five
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
years
Correct your spelling
five-year
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 gap. At first sight, in 1980 male
memeberships
Correct your spelling
memberships
membership
 were double than the female
membership
Use synonyms
,
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1980 until 1985
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
subsriptions
Correct your spelling
subscriptions
 had a
rapidly
Change the word
rapid
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 almost
the
Correct article usage
apply
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double from the beginning the
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
membership
Use synonyms
 grew gradually.
Then
Linking Words
, the
men
Change noun form
men's
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 line has considerably fallen from 1987 to 1993
where
Correct word choice
when
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 it had
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 memberships in front of the beginning and that
tendece
Correct your spelling
tendency
tended
 stays until almost 1997
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the line started to grow significantly until 2005,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the memberships
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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dramatically
plummet
Wrong verb form
plummeted
show examples
under
Change preposition
to under
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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one thousand in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the women had a
modestly grew
Replace the word
modest growth
show examples
 in the period with fluctuation in
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 moments. The highest growth was between 1990 and 1995 in which case for 2010 it has more than the beginning.
To conclude
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
memebership
Correct your spelling
membership
 had a
gently
Change the adverb
gentle
show examples
 growth but, men had a lot of fluctuation and the
last
Linking Words
 years of
analysis
Add an article
the analysis
show examples
 showed a
wildly
Change the adverb
wild
show examples
 decrease.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words membership with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • membership trends
  • male and female comparison
  • notable increase/decrease
  • fluctuations
  • consistently
  • peak points
  • divergent patterns
  • parallels in trends
  • correlation
  • timeframe
  • cultural shifts
  • awareness of fitness
  • significant differences
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