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Writing Samples
Band 6

Schools concentrate for too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?.

#schools #subjects #students #demands #world
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There is no secret that
school
 has a significant role in pupils' future. It is a widely held view that the topics which are taught in
school
 are too old to prepare children for the modern lifestyle , a theory which I strongly disapprove of. One justification why eliminating traditional subjects would not be fruitful may be that they play an important role in understanding more advanced subjects.
For example
, the action of number multiply was a substantial topic ,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 in today's climate, an overwhelming amount of people use calculators to do their math. But it does not mean that learning to multiply is useless
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since it is a fundamental knowledge which can even be used in buying grocery Another explanation is that children should learn basic sciences in order to understand top-notch ones.
In other words
, there is no fast track to be learned. An illustration of
this
 fact is that in
school
 we learn how to draw plans with a ruler on paper,
while
 in real life using engineering software like AutoCAD is more common and easier. The aim of teaching the hard way in
school
 is at the first step pupils should know the fundamentals of drawing and
the next step is
 to learn how to implement software. What can be concluded from the above is that I find myself among critics of the opinion which said that some of the subjects that we learn in
school
 are too basic which is not suitable for the modern world.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction clearly states your opinion on the subject, outlining the main points that will be discussed. For better coherence, use connecting words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. This strengthens your essay and provides a clear line of thought for the reader.
task achievement
Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments and restates your position. It should tie all the essay's points together and provide a clear ending.
task achievement
Fully respond to all parts of the question. While your position is clear, make sure to address the extent to which you agree or disagree throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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