IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#idea #people #age
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The
age
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 limit for working has been a controversial topic for many years.
People
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 say that with the limitation
age
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 poses, old
people
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 should not be allowed to work certain
jobs
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 to not only ensure their safety but
also
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 other
people
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. I agree with
this
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 statement to some degree. Changes in our body related to
age
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 often inhibit our ability to do our
jobs
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 well.
For example
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, as strength and endurance decrease with
age
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, our ability to do
labour intensive
Add a hyphen
labour-intensive
show examples
jobs
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such
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 as construction or working in the service industry would be diminished.
Moreover
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, doing these kinds of
jobs
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 at an advanced
age
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 would increase the risk of injuries
such
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 as fractures or sprains.
However
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, in industries
such
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 as healthcare,
age
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 comes with experience. With
jobs
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 like these, having old
people
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 would be advantageous. But practices and techniques often change with time as new advances and innovations are discovered and despite its advantages, the older generation tends to be set in their ways and are resistant to change.
Subsequently
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,
this
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 quality makes them unattractive candidates for the job.
Furthermore
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, outdated techniques and knowledge could be dangerous and may affect other
people
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 negatively. In conclusion, I believe that
age
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 should be a factor in whether a person should be allowed to work.
Although
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,
age
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 shouldn't be the only factor considered
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
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 the physical and mental status and a person's qualification to do the job should
also
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 be put in mind. So, I recommend that precautions should be taken when considering an older person to continue working.
Submitted by erickacasandra.abas on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on some points with more detailed examples or explanations, particularly regarding outdated techniques in healthcare.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the transitions between paragraphs to make the argument flow even more smoothly.
task achievement
While your task response is clear, try including more specific conclusions or suggestions in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by addressing both pros and cons of older people working, showing critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
You have used clear and logical structure throughout the essay, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Supported main points with relevant examples, particularly about age-related physical limitations in labor-intensive jobs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
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