Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Many people argue that
competition
between individuals at work
or at school is a good thing, while
others claim they need to cooperate together more, rather than competing against each other. However
, in this
essay, I will discuss both perspective
and provide my own opinion.
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
Competition
between employees at work
or betweet
students at schoolsCorrect your spelling
between
,
can have various advantages and disadvantages. Remove the comma
apply
Competition
can be a good motivantion
for people to be more successful, and do their best to achieve their goals. Correct your spelling
motivator
Therefore
, it also
can be a reason for damaging relationships between each other. For example
, A study conducted by Oxford University revealed that competition
often happen
between youth, and it Change the verb form
happens
lead
to many issues in relationships, as they all want to be Change the verb form
leads
the
successful, so it can lead to hate each other. So, Change the article
apply
competition
can play a crucial role for
success but Change preposition
in
if
it can managed in the right way.
Rephrase
only if
On the other hand
, we should encouragement
cooperation more in society for different reasons. Replace the word
encourage
Cooperate
can improve the relationships between people in different places Wrong verb form
Cooperating
such
as work
or university, also
it can enhance the
society. As working together can give various ideas and creative things to enhance the Correct article usage
apply
work
so it would lead to success and increae
the economic in Correct your spelling
increase
country
. Add an article
the country
For instance
, at company
, when workers Add an article
the company
a company
work
with each other and everyone gives their opinion and ideas so
it can enhance Correct word choice
apply
Correct article usage
the company
company
Change noun form
company's
economic
and Replace the word
economy
also
improve their experiences in their careers.
In conclusion, both perspective
can have a Change to a plural noun
perspectives
posetive
impact on individuals, but Correct your spelling
positive
also
it can have a negative side. Competition
it
is better if they take it as Remove the pronoun
apply
motivantion
to be more Correct your spelling
motivation
succussful
. Correct your spelling
successful
Furthermore
, we shold
Correct your spelling
should
also
try to cooperate as it is lead for good things.Submitted by daliaakram35 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Ensure each paragraph delivers one specific point with clear evidence or examples to support it. This will improve both coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with language accuracy. While small inaccuracies won't significantly affect your grade, reducing them will clarify your argument.
task achievement
Ensure examples are relevant and specific. This strengthens your arguments and shows a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and your final opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives of the question and gives a personal opinion, fulfilling the task achievement requirement effectively.