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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #education #jobs
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These days, it is quite common for
people
 to live with their
parents
 even after they have graduated from university and found a job. There are various reasons for
this
 situation,
as well as
 some consequences.
Overall
, it is impossible to say whether it is a good or a bad phenomenon, so
this
 essay will explore both the advantages and disadvantages. On the plus side,
people
 who live with their
parents
 after university may save money which they can
then
 use later in life.
This
 is preferable to paying rent and bills for several years after graduation.
Instead
 of
this
, young
people
 can live with their
parents
 and
then
 buy a house when they are ready to settle down.
In addition
,
this
 situation can allow young
people
 to stay closer to their families and maintain traditions. In the modern world, lots of old values have changed or been lost, and
this
 can help continue closer family relationships. There are
also
 a great many negatives to
this
. Unfortunately, living at home restricts a young person’s freedom, and
thus
 they cannot forge close personal relationships with their peers. It is important for young men and women to live together as young adults so that they can know each other before marriage, and living with
parents
 makes
this
 impossible. More than just impacting social development, living alone or with friends or a partner allows for many other responsibilities, and living with
parents
also
 restricts
this
.
For example
, it is good for young
people
 to learn about the difficulties of paying bills and doing their own chores rather than relying
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
parents
. In conclusion, it is hard to say whether there are more advantages or disadvantages. It seems there are different cultural perspectives to be taken into consideration. All that can really be concluded is that there are certainly many big differences between living alone and living with your
parents
.
Submitted by parsaj1381 on

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task achievement
To enhance your task response, consider providing more specific examples to support your points. This will demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic and enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using linking words or phrases. This can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of both the advantages and disadvantages of adults living with their parents after completing education and finding jobs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the scope of the essay well, and the conclusion neatly summarizes the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are clearly structured into paragraphs, each starting with a clear topic sentence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cohabitation
  • intergenerational living
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial stability
  • maturation
  • dependency
  • socio-economic factors
  • familial dynamics
  • personal autonomy
  • housing affordability
  • cultural expectations
  • life trajectory
  • emotional resilience
  • nuclear family
  • joint family system
  • economic prudence
  • privacy concerns
  • social stigma
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