IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

You recently ordered an item of clothing through a store’s website. When you received it, you discovered that it was not the same item you had ordered. Write a letter to the store manager. In your letter, Describe the item you ordered Explain what was wrong with the item you received Say what you would like the manager to do.

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my disappointment regarding my online purchase from your store's website. During the "New Year's sale" sale, deals advertised on your store's online portal were very affordable and value for money, so I purchased a pair of formal attire for the office which includes a formal
shirt
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 and pants with booking reference number 12345. It was a necessary purchase for me considering my upcoming performance appraisal meeting with my manager in the coming month.
Although
Linking Words
 I ordered the
shirt
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 in medium size, I received a large size, which is very loose.
Additionally
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, the
shirt
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 has a design pattern that makes it unsuitable for office wear.
Moreover
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, the packaging of the received parcel was
also
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 disappointing. I would request you to initiate the return of the
shirt
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 and if possible, resend the same product as it advertised on your website,
otherwise
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 please initiate the refund for the
shirt
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. Yours faithfully, Sandeep

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task achievement
You've done a good job responding to the prompt, detailing the item you ordered, the issue with the received item, and outlining your request for the manager. To make your letter even stronger, consider providing a brief description of the incorrect item's design pattern and what makes it unsuitable for office wear.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your letter is quite good, with a clear beginning, body, and conclusion. However, for coherence, you can make a slightly smoother transition between mentioning the package's condition and your request to return the item. Linking sentences or phrases like 'Furthermore, to add to my dissatisfaction' could help.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and a logical flow of ideas throughout the letter.
task achievement
The letter has a polite and formal tone, which is appropriate for this context.
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