IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Over time, as children grow older, the relationship they have with their parents changes. In your opinion, what role should parents have in their adult children’s lives?

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A parent-child relationship is a very special bond. When
children
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 are young, they have a dependency on their
parents
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hence
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, they stay connected to them. As they grow old, the distance is created in that relationship. In my opinion,
parents
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 should
also
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 try to reduce the connection with their
children
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 and provide them
freedom
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 as they grow older. To start with, when
children
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 grow older, they experience many hormonal changes and
due to
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 that, they try to maintain distance from their
parents
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. After passing the teenage,
children
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 generally try to get closer to their
parents
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 as they seek support during their adult phase.
For example
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, my brother never stayed away from his
parents
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 but as he grew older, he used to stay away from his family. After a
while
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, he again felt connected when he was 25.
Hence
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, the bond always varies from
children
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's perspective.
However
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,
parents
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 should
also
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 understand the need for
freedom
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 on behalf of their
children
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. After a certain age,
parents
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 should give their
children
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 some space so they can live peacefully without any mental pressure. Once they grow older and turn into adults,
parents
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 should have a limited relationship with their
children
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.
For instance
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, being a kid, I was very much connected with my
parents
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. As I grew older, my
parents
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 provided me
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freedom
Change preposition
with freedom
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.
Due to
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 that, I can now provide the same
freedom
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 and space to my family.
To conclude
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,
children
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 try to maintain distance from their
parents
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 during different stages of their life. At the same time,
parents
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 should let their
children
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 live freely.
Also
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, taking care of the
parents
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 is
children
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's responsibility and they should be always available for their
parents
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 when they are in need of help.

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Structure
Continue to develop clear, distinct paragraphs for each of your main points. This helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
Cohesion
Using a wider range of linking words and phrases could further improve coherence and cohesion. This also makes your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
Supporting Details
Incorporate more detailed examples to support your ideas. Specific instances or personal experiences related to your arguments can enhance the effectiveness of your essay.
Depth of Analysis
Though the essay adequately addresses the topic, a more in-depth exploration of the parents’ role in their adult children's lives could offer a stronger task response.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly presenting the topic and your viewpoint.
Transition
The transition between paragraphs is smooth, which helps in maintaining the flow of ideas and arguments throughout the essay.
Balanced Argument
You’ve maintained a balanced view by considering both the children's need for independence and the enduring importance of the parent-child bond, which adds depth to your argument.
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