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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some cultures, childeren are often told that they can achieve anything if they work hard enough. To what extent you thing the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cultures #childeren #work
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In some societies,
younger
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the younger
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 generation is often told that they can accomplish anything in their life if they put a sufficient amount of time and energy into it.
Although
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 there are some advantages to that idea, I utterly believe the disadvantages are more. Hearing
this
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 idea from the parent would probably create a false sense of perfection in children’s minds which may lead to complete disappointment. It means that in our not-perfect world creating a strong non-factual mindset in
minds
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the minds
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 of non-experienced youngsters could result in devastating feelings after failures in their lives.
For Instance
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, in under-developed societies eluding children with the idea that they can achieve a top-ranked university in the first world may cause life-long damage to their personality after failure. Children
also
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 might feel an obligation from their parent side to continue in a path which they might not be interested in. So, they find themself in a situation in which they are forced forward but accomplishments happen because of a lack of passion.
For example
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, many families encourage their kids to be doctors and portray a seducing future life in
this
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 career without considering their pursuits.
This
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 is why we can appreciate the huge dissatisfaction among many young medical students. Some parents belonging to these cultures state that
this
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 statement could motivate children to keep on with their path even after their failures.
However
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,
this
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 might be refuted because they ignore the fact that unrealistic recommendations may strengthen perfectionism internally which could lead to unfavourable psychological consequences. In conclusion,
although
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 these ideal suggestions may provide some false incitement, they create
perfectionist
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a perfectionist
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 mindset and might compel individuals to follow an undesired path in their lives.
Submitted by drmmdi on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, integrate more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This will enhance the depth of your response.
coherence
Ensure that the essay flows smoothly by improving transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Explicit linking words or phrases can help maintain fluency.
introduction
The introduction clearly introduces the topic and presents a position that is consistently developed through the essay.
logical structure
Each paragraph has a clear central idea and is generally well-focused.
conclusion
There is a conclusion that effectively summarizes the arguments and reinforces the opinion stated in the introduction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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