IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
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Many would argue that the purpose of
music
 is to help individuals de-stress and relax. In my opinion,
although
this
 is a key function, it is more important for
music
 to uplift. Those in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of considering
music
 a form of relaxation point out how it is used by most listeners. Though
this
 is impossible to verify empirically, most would concede on an anecdotal level that
music
 is primarily used to relax. Students and workers on their daily commute and after a long day listen to
music
 to forget about their anxieties. Scientific research has shown that listening to any genre of
music
 results in reduced blood pressure and increased heart rate volatility, key indicators of lower stress levels. Though
music
 is
also
 used at parties as a way to celebrate and have fun, these situations are less common
overall
 for the average subscriber to an application
such
 as Spotify or Apple
Music
.
However
, there is a higher function of
music
 that relates to raising one’s perspective on life. When a person listens to a beautiful and meaningful song
such
 as “Jealous Guy” by John Lennon or “No Woman, No Cry” by Bob Marley, they are being lifted by the melody and lyrics. Similar to other forms of art, they present a way of seeing the world that transforms ordinary life into an aesthetic experience. Some of these aesthetic interpretations by artists may not always be positive,
such
 as when a singer sings about loss or addiction, but they
nonetheless
 ennoble and allow for
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 understanding of the darkest elements of the human condition. In conclusion, though
music
 is one way of relaxing for many people, I would contend that
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 most crucial aim is to enrich the world through a particular artistic interpretation. It is still possible for particular listeners to enjoy
music
 as they see fit.
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coherence
Your essay is well-structured and presents a thorough and coherent argument. However, ensure that each paragraph flows more seamlessly into the next to improve cohesion. Additionally, vary your sentence structures to enhance readability.
task response
Your response addresses the task effectively and makes use of relevant examples. To improve, you could include more specific examples or studies. Moreover, try to incorporate a more balanced discussion acknowledging opposing viewpoints a bit more.
introduction
The introduction clearly sets out the main argument and provides a good foundation for the essay.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant examples to illustrate your points, particularly referencing scientific research and specific songs.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, progressing from the role of music in relaxation to its higher function of uplifting perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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