IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People believe that arts like painting and music does not directly improve the quality of life, and therefore they think government’s money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some people believe that
arts
Use synonyms
 like painting and
music
Use synonyms
 do not directly improve the quality of life and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on other parts of society. I totally disagree. I believe that
arts
Use synonyms
 play an important role in our
lives
Use synonyms
. It is crucial for human beings because of several reasons.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses the importance of
art
Use synonyms
 in our
lives
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Art
Use synonyms
 is not only all around us, but
also
Linking Words
 it makes our
lives
Use synonyms
 more beautiful and lovely. On the one hand,
music
Use synonyms
, theatre, and painting are all around our daily
lives
Use synonyms
. looking at the old cultural building near our house, we can see
art
Use synonyms
. Listening to a piece of smooth
music
Use synonyms
 on TV is
art
Use synonyms
. Even during a small walk in the street, you can hear a song.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, professional
art
Use synonyms
 values our
lives
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Nowadays, governments place a lot of importance on the different types of
art
Use synonyms
 and invest some
money
Use synonyms
 in them. there is a lot of research which has proven the different positive impacts of
arts
Use synonyms
 in people's
lives
Use synonyms
. Recently, I read an article about the positive effects of
music
Use synonyms
 in teaching.
music
Use synonyms
 is used as a strong tool in educational practice.
For instance
Linking Words
, making a song about a topic makes the learning process easier, or painting an odd shape, by a 3-year-old girl helps her enhance creativity. It is really important that the governments place importance on all different kinds of
art
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Some people believe that
arts
Use synonyms
 like painting and
music
Use synonyms
 do not directly improve the quality of life and the government should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on other parts of society. There are several research which have proven
arts
Use synonyms
 play an important role in our
lives
Use synonyms
. It not only makes our life more beautiful, but
also
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 essential tool in education.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the governments should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on
art
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help illustrate your points more vividly and convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent structure by clearly linking your ideas and arguments. Adding transition words can improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay clearly disagrees with the statement and provides a clear thesis in the introduction, setting up the stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
You provided a strong conclusion by reiterating your main points, which reinforces your stance to the reader.
supported main points
The essay contains solid arguments supporting the value of arts in society, backed by referencing research and education benefits.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
  • 6
    band

    in some countries, people are hiring a personal fitness trainer rather than playing sports or doing exercise classess what are the reason for this is this a positive or negative develpment

    Private trainers are in higher demand in several countries. Conducting the trainers has more benefit in performing sports or physical exercise as they can likely scan through a diet habit and the abilities of individuals that can perform during the session. I believe that there would be a positive impact from getting a private trainer instead of doing class activities. Nowadays, more and more people build a healthy habit by making time to go to the gym and eating clean. Going to the gym doesn't help a person get into shape; thus, this is where the private instructor gets involved. To be honest, hiring the instructor is costly, but he or she helps to advise on good posture as well as knows various types of exercise that can benefit the targeted body parts. For example, adding extra weight to certain exercises when they believe that their trainee is capable. Moreover, fitness trainers are more likely to give suggestions on the series of meals that are essential for the body during the...
  • 6
    band

    What are your Achievements in 2023 and Revolutions in 2024

    Many things happened in 2023, and there were revolutions in 2024. Last year was a year of surprise and happiness because we bought a new house and gained Canadian citizenship. Firstly, my family was so lucky when we bought a house. We were fortunate because we found a pretty cheap house, but the house is still beautiful, big, and near everything. Our house was near school, the mall, and even downtown, making our transportation faster and taking less time. Secondly, we finally gained Canadian citizenship. My mom studied and worked hard every day for this. She spent time daily improving her English skills for IELTS and working hard to gain some plus points for a better chance of achieving Canadian citizenship. After all the work, she now has Canadian citizenship, and because of that, I became a Canadian citizen, too. To sum up, I bought a new house and became a Canadian citizen, making 2023 the best year in my life until now.
  • 6
    band

    Some people think that online reading materials are better for children. Others argues that traditional paper based resources are better. Discuss and give your opinion.

    There is no denying the fact that reading is a crucial thing to improve the child's mind. However, there is also an argument about what kind of materials are the best for kids, traditional paper or electronic paper. This essay will analyze this topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
  • 6
    band

    It is said that the education system is the most critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

    The role of education in national progress has long been a subject of debate among policymakers and scholars. While various factors such as economic stability, political governance, and technological innovation contribute to a country’s advancement, I firmly believe that a robust education system is the cornerstone of sustainable development. This is because education not only cultivates human capital but also fosters social cohesion and drives innovation.
  • 6
    band

    The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    The question of whether the media should focus more on problems has sparked heated debate. Some argue that negative contents are harmful to individuals, while others see that problems and emergencies are worth the public’s attention. My personal idea is the latter should be more emphasized because media can actually provide in-time information for disaster forecasting or prevention. In this essay, I will elaborate more detail and provide my personal opinions.