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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People believe that arts like painting and music does not directly improve the quality of life, and therefore they think government’s money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #quality #life #government’s #money
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Some people believe that
arts
 like painting and
music
 do not directly improve the quality of life and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend
money
 on other parts of society. I totally disagree. I believe that
arts
 play an important role in our
lives
. It is crucial for human beings because of several reasons.
This
 essay discusses the importance of
art
 in our
lives
.
Art
 is not only all around us, but
also
 it makes our
lives
 more beautiful and lovely. On the one hand,
music
, theatre, and painting are all around our daily
lives
. looking at the old cultural building near our house, we can see
art
. Listening to a piece of smooth
music
 on TV is
art
. Even during a small walk in the street, you can hear a song.
On the other hand
, professional
art
 values our
lives
. Nowadays, governments place a lot of importance on the different types of
art
 and invest some
money
 in them. there is a lot of research which has proven the different positive impacts of
arts
 in people's
lives
. Recently, I read an article about the positive effects of
music
 in teaching.
music
 is used as a strong tool in educational practice.
For instance
, making a song about a topic makes the learning process easier, or painting an odd shape, by a 3-year-old girl helps her enhance creativity. It is really important that the governments place importance on all different kinds of
art
. In conclusion, Some people believe that
arts
 like painting and
music
 do not directly improve the quality of life and the government should spend
money
 on other parts of society. There are several research which have proven
arts
 play an important role in our
lives
. It not only makes our life more beautiful, but
also
art
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 essential tool in education.
Therefore
 the governments should spend
money
 on
art
.
Submitted by rozakoohvand on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help illustrate your points more vividly and convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent structure by clearly linking your ideas and arguments. Adding transition words can improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay clearly disagrees with the statement and provides a clear thesis in the introduction, setting up the stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
You provided a strong conclusion by reiterating your main points, which reinforces your stance to the reader.
supported main points
The essay contains solid arguments supporting the value of arts in society, backed by referencing research and education benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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