It is a natural process that animal species become extinct, as the dinosaur did in the past. There is no reason for people to prevent from this happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that animal
species
are
extincting
Correct your spelling
extinct
extinction
from
this
earth not only because of natural processes but
also
because of human activities. As far as my
opinoin
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I partially agree with the above tendency, which I am going to explain
further
below. To commence with, life is a
process
in which there are births, reproductions and deaths and occurs not only with humans but
also
with
animals
.
Keep
Wrong verb form
Keeping
show examples
these
animals
during years of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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healthy way is an expensive and hard
process
whereas
requires numerous studies and researchers working together. For these
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
some people believe that there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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to avoid
this
fact, but owing to climate change
this
process
has become tremendously swift and disastrous so that polar bears and bees are losing their natural habitat
as a result
of ice melting and fires,
for instance
.
Thus
, I completely disagree with some individuals who claim ought to not prevent
this
disaster. Some
species
are of paramount importance in order
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to contribute to maintaining the balance of the ecosystem through chain food, which in turn
ameliorate
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ameliorates
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the relationship between humans and the world.
Hence
, every
species
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a great value for the population once they promote pollination and decrease the number of weeds in agriculture,
for example
. For these reasons, governments should promote awareness campaigns to decelerate the extinction
process
, because of
this
I totally agree that there are reasons for society to pay attention to the rapid
process
of losing some
species
. In conclusion, keeping a great relationship with
animals
can help the planet which leads to a better future if the population make
his
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its
show examples
part for the next generations.
This
essay argued why individuals should go the extra mile in relation to some
animals
and I put my ideas in detail.
Submitted by tarandepk on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your argument, especially when discussing human activities that contribute to extinction.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more transitional phrases to improve the flow between your ideas.
task achievement
Clarify some of your more complex sentences for better understanding. Simplified language can sometimes help convey ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by considering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the argument.
task achievement
You have made a valuable point about the importance of species in maintaining ecosystem balance.
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