IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ught to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #think #governments #ught #education #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in the development of the
country
Use synonyms
 and educated juveniles are crucial for the nation. It is believed by some people that the administration should spend huge revenue on the academic sector because it is necessary for young people. If questioned, I bolster with
such
Linking Words
 a notion to a major extent. My inclination is elaborated in the ensuing paragraphs. There are myriad reasons why I opine that authorities ought to invest more funds in
education
Use synonyms
 for youngsters in need. The most pivotal one is that it is fruitful to reduce the crime rate.
In other words
Linking Words
, if governments build some infrastructure of
education
Use synonyms
, they could achieve excellent
education
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
 they will become good citizens who cannot join any illegal
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another striking reason is that it is lucrative for the
country
Use synonyms
's economy. By
this
Linking Words
, I mean that well-educated youth create their own business which helps in the growth of the
country
Use synonyms
's economy through paying taxes. One good illustration is Oyo company, the CEO of Oyo company graduated from government college and nowadays he pays some
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to his
country
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, I shall not overlook the other side too.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it has a pessimistic impact on adults.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 governments invest more money in educational purposes
thus
Linking Words
 some young people misuse their amenities.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government of India provides tablets to students who enter higher
education
Use synonyms
 afterwards some learners use these tablets for other activities rather than educational purposes.
Thus
Linking Words
,
to conclude
Linking Words
 the discussion, it can be
finally
Linking Words
 commented that despite some students may misuse government facilities, my arguments justify that it is beneficial for the nation
such
Linking Words
 as it helps to reduce illegal work
as well as
Linking Words
 increase the
country
Use synonyms
's economy.
Submitted by Darshita@8612 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Aim to develop your arguments in more depth with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This will help enhance the logical structure of your essay.
complete response
Try to provide a balanced view where you discuss and extend on the counterarguments more thoroughly. This will demonstrate an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to enhance flow and transition between ideas. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that appropriately addressed the task.
relevant specific examples
You included relevant examples that supported your main points, such as the reference to the Oyo company.
task achievement
The essay covers key points related to the task, such as the impact on crime rates and economic growth, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: