IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people nowadays spent a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #part #time #smartphone #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most
people
 spend a lot of their leisure time using a smartphone currently. Some
people
 opine that
this
 is a bad development, and it hurts our eyes. Others state that
due to
this
 creation, our lives become more convenient. I personally believe
this
 could be a good invention,
although
 it has some drawbacks, and I will explain why in the following paragraphs. To start with, a smartphone is a very useful tool, and we can use it to do many things. In the old days, it was required to bring a laptop with you, if you needed to do something related to business outside.
However
, a smartphone is relatively smaller and cheaper, and you can take it anywhere you like.
As a result
, nowadays
people
 like to use their
phones
instead
 of laptops. Many engineers design apps for phone users to enjoy their hobbies. With a phone, you can watch funny clips from TikTok, download music apps from the App Store to play instruments, use social media to chat with friends, and so on.
As a result
, we tend to spend a lot of time on our
phones
.
Phones
 enrich our lives, and I can not imagine our lives without
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In a nutshell, more and more things can be done by us through
phones
, and
that is
 the reason why you can see an increasing number of
people
 playing on their cell
phones
.
Also
, a phone is very small, and it is very easy to carry with you. Owing to its handiness and multi-functions,
people
 enjoy using it.
Submitted by edward300225 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, consider clearly delineating the arguments and providing a smooth flow from one idea to the next. You can achieve this by using more transitional phrases.
task achievement
For comprehensive ideas, ensure that each point is fully developed with detailed explanations and sufficient support to improve clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for your arguments.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the usage of TikTok and social media, are relevant and help illustrate the points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: