IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Discuss advantages and disadventages of raising a pet in modern society.

Nowadays,The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who have a
pet
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 has increased.Some
people
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 even choose to raise a
pet
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instead
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 of having their own children
due to
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 its convenience and economic.
Thus
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,there is an inconclusive as to whether a
pet
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 provides them with advantages or not.In the following paragraphs,both the benefits and drawbacks will be discussed in detail.
To begin
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 with,Pets can be loyal peers that help individuals cope with their mental problems.In modern society, the incidence of mental issues has increased rapidly
due to
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 technological advancement and globalization.These two factors make workers face more competition and
also
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,technology makes
people
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 grow apart.All of these causes lead to a lack of mental support for
people
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 in
this
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 generation.
Pet
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 plays an important role in
this
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due to
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 its loyalty.There is scientific research proof that raising pets is one way of treatment
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 mental illnesses.
Moreover
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,having a
pet
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 makes
people
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 develop to be better persons and have more responsibility because a
pet
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 is dependent so,they have to take care of it during its lifespans.
On the other hand
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,critics argue that
this
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 little creatures are lavish.The
pet
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 industry has grown significantly in the past decades because
people
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 are willing to spend extravagantly on
this
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.
People
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 must have a solid financial statement before considering having one.Every month expenditure can be spent on food,healthcare and toys.
Additionally
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,some species of
pet
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 cannot be abandoned at home alone because of their attachment to humans
whereas
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,in some careers,they are not allowed to have the capability to do that resulting in
pet
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 mental problems. In conclusion,
although
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 a lot of income of
pet
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 parents have an obligation to spend on their furry children,I can reassure you from my experience having a
pet
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 is worth every dollar since it provides you with a reason to live and a good supporter yet,the readiness need to be considered before having one.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, consider using transition words to enhance the flow between ideas. This will contribute to improved logical structure and coherence.
task achievement
Expand on your examples with more specific details or scenarios to enhance the relevance and specificity of the points discussed.
language accuracy
There are a few minor grammatical errors. While they don't significantly impact the clarity, pay attention to spacing and punctuation, as in 'all of these causes' without 'all of these cause' or spaces after commas (e.g., 'To begin with,Pets...' should be 'To begin with, pets...').
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to understand the main argument.
task achievement
You've identified key issues and provided a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of raising pets in modern society.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • companionship
  • emotional support
  • mental health
  • responsibility
  • empathy
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • therapeutic benefits
  • therapy settings
  • household expenses
  • allergies
  • urban areas
  • limited space
  • time commitment
  • flexibility
  • daily activities
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