Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There has been an ongoing debate about adding financial
education
to curriculum
as a compulsory subject, since Add an article
the curriculum
to
Correct your spelling
it
be
helpful for Wrong verb form
is
students
to understand the meaning of money
efficiency. I extremely disagree with this
opinion.
True, there is
some Change the verb form
are
reasons
why it is suggested. First and foremost, children can understand the value of money
in their formative years. They may release
that Verb problem
realise
money
does not grow at
trees and they have to try and work Change preposition
on
for earning
it. Change preposition
to earn
This
, in turn, encourage
them to start planning their future or trying to find some easier ways for how they can earn Change the verb form
encourages
money
. Furthermore
, it is essential to make money
when they become mature, since it may create some challenges to provide with money
their
kids, Change preposition
for their
for
parents. So, if they learn and comprehend that at school ages, they may reduce the amount of Correct your spelling
'
money
which they spend on their
daily basis and save them for important something.
Despite the Change the word
a
reasons
which
I mentioned above, I am in Correct pronoun usage
apply
favor
of not Change the spelling
favour
education
Replace the word
educating
students
in terms of financial
, Replace the word
finances
due to
some reasons
. One is there lots
of Add a missing verb
are lots
subjects
which students
should learn and all of them are important for them, so, removing some of subjects
from Add an article
the subjects
curriculum
and adding financial Correct article usage
the curriculum
education
may not good
. BecauseAdd a missing verb
be good
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
may trigger lack
of knowledge from Correct article usage
a lack
subjects
which are removed. Additionally
, of
they taught, Correct your spelling
if
students
may become overload
and Wrong verb form
overloaded
this
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
Correct pronoun usage
them stress
stress
or Wrong verb form
stressed
disappointment
, owing to can not do all Replace the word
disappointed
tasks
from all Correct article usage
the tasks
subjects
. Also
, students
have to do
financial experience in real life and financial Verb problem
gain
education
is something which could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
teach
, it can learned by oneself.
Wrong verb form
be taught
To conclude
, although
there are many beneficial sides from
adding financial Change preposition
to
education
to school's
curriculum as a mandatory subject, Correct article usage
a school's
such
as understanding the value of money
and learning
save it, I support that not educating it, Add the particle
learning to
according to
some reasons
including this
may create overwhelming and stress to them.Submitted by Writing9 on
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task achievement
Improve clarity by ensuring that each argument is clearly stated and fully developed before moving on to the next point.
task achievement
Aim to provide more relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Focus on strengthening the logical flow between paragraphs and ensuring that each supports the central argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
Good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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