IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

Some of the teenagers are moving out of the village and live in a big city, letting no one else but the old
people
Use synonyms
 in the village,
This
Linking Words
 issue may cause serious problems
such
Linking Words
 as no one developing the countryside, the old society needing the help of the younger
people
Use synonyms
, and some jobs require a middle age person. Some grandfathers and mothers will miss their families, so their mental health may be affected by
this
Linking Words
 problem.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the
streets
Add a comma
streets,
show examples
 we always notice a younger man helping an old man across the street, helping him carry his bags, or even giving him a ride. Sadly older
people
Use synonyms
 are getting weak as they grow up so they always will need help. Having most of the teens move out will cause damage to them. Leading to no choice but to rely on themselves. The reason why teenagers like to live in the city is because of better colleagues out there, they love the town crowd,
many
Add a missing verb
have many
show examples
 activities to do, and have more job choices. So I believe that we should devolve the countryside and make the vibe
also
Linking Words
 suitable for the younger age.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, universities should have brunch in the villages. That way teens are not leaving out to study.
However
Linking Words
 maybe in that way,
people
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 from the town come to the countryside to study!.
Also
Linking Words
, more small companies will help to grab their attention. More opportunities equals more young
people
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 issue should be solved before it devolves more and more. I hope to see an improvement in the number of teens who will continue to live in villages and give a hand to any older person.

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Task Response
Your introduction needs a clearer statement of the problems and solutions. Make sure to outline them more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'furthermore', and 'in conclusion'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your examples are clear and directly relate to the problems you mention. Some ideas could be expressed in a more straightforward way.
Task Response
You have identified important problems in your essay, such as the impact on the mental health of older people.
Task Response
Your conclusion summarises the essay well and expresses a hope for improvement, showing your personal opinion clearly.
Task Response
You provided relevant points about why young people prefer cities, which adds depth to your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural exodus
  • workforce decline
  • social services
  • cultural erosion
  • economic stagnation
  • depopulation
  • infrastructure burden
  • generational gap
  • policy interventions
  • economic diversification
  • rural infrastructure
  • community-based projects
  • mobile healthcare
  • communal ties
  • incentive schemes
  • urban influx
  • village abandonment
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