IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people leave the countryside for the greater opportunities which are offered by citties.This move is not without disadvantages for both people and the environment. What are some benefits and drawbacks of urbanization?

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Nowadays, folks who live in the rural area tend to leave their villages for better conditions that can be found only in the
cities
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, who offers a number of various facilities.
As a result
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 of
urbanization
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, pollution has increased in the
cities
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,
while
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 in the rural areas, fewer and fewer
people
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 are living there. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of
urbanization
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.
Firstly
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,
cities
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 have a lot much to offer than the
countryside
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, numerous
people
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 choose to leave for better work opportunities and
also
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 for higher education which can be found only in the bigger
cities
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.
For example
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, the community of the city benefits from a larger hand of workers which can help in the growth of the finance department and
also
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 have by their side more educated folks.
Therefore
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,
cities
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 attract
people
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 from the
countryside
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 for their facilities which can help them evolve not only financially but
also
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 with gaining knowledge.
Secondly
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, the mass of
people
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 who abandon the
countryside
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 for
cities
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 leads to the rise of teenancy,
due to
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 the fact that the growth of
urbanization
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 cause finding a place to live harder than before.
In addition
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, the proportion of pollution has increased because of
urbanization
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,
while
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 in the
countryside
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 the pollution of the air is less.
For example
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, folks who choose to study in the bigger
cities
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, rarely find accommodation as the city is full of immigrants and even if they find one it is really expensive for their budget. In conclusion,
urbanization
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 helps other
people
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 from different areas to evolve as it gives them a plethora of opportunities,
however
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, the departure can have an impact on the mental health of the individual
due to
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 the fact that they are leaving family and friends behind in order to discover themselves.

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Grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and reducing small errors, such as 'folks who live in the rural area' should be 'folks who live in rural areas', and 'the community of the city benefits from a larger hand of workers' should be 'the community of the city benefits from a larger workforce'.
Content
Address counter-arguments or consider multiple perspectives to strengthen your essay. For instance, mentioning how urbanization might support rural areas economically through remittances can provide a more balanced view.
Cohesion
Improve the transition between some points to create a smoother flow of ideas. Use more cohesive devices like 'Moreover', 'However', and 'Furthermore' appropriately to connect your ideas better.
Structure
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
Content
Your main points are clear and generally well-organized, providing a logical structure to your essay.
Examples
You have used specific examples to support your ideas, which adds depth to your argument. For example, the point about finding accommodation being harder in cities due to urbanization is well-explained.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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