IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe the media should be allowed to publish private information about people, while others are against it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Social networks are one of the best platforms nowadaysindividuals think that permission should be given to publish the personal information of citizens,
the
Correct word choice
but the
show examples
 rest of the
people
Use synonyms
 oppose it. As exposing private data can be dangerous, I believe that it should not be allowed to spread personal statistics. On the one hand, spreading personal facts can be a threat to
people
Use synonyms
, who love to share their secret things with social media
people
Use synonyms
. If anyone shares his or her bank details, bank accounts can be hacked.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these published data not only remain on their national border, it may be available to the international secret agency.
For example
Linking Words
, the Bangladesh election commission shared all citizens national identity cards on Facebook in 2021,
as a result
Linking Words
, the secret agency RAW, India, got details about Bangladeshi
people
Use synonyms
, which will enable them to make a proper plan for our citizens.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if we share our private problems with the netizens, there is a high chance of getting a solution. Because these platforms are used by
people
Use synonyms
 who are skilled in numerous fields.
For instance
Linking Words
, on Facebook, there are some secret groups like sex education, where many experts try to provide clear ideas about different sexual problems.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 make themselves happy by watching other's personal enjoying moments, as they always share on X, Telegram, Instagram, and Facebook. In conclusion, even though
due to
Linking Words
 these cutting-edge technologies nothing is secret today;
however
Linking Words
, personal data should have remained personal.
This
Linking Words
 will help
people
Use synonyms
 to remain cool
as well as
Linking Words
 being a safe person from any potential danger.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas to ensure the logical flow of your arguments. This will help improve the reader's understanding of the connection between your points.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay covers both views in detail and provides a balanced discussion. While you have addressed both views, more depth on the opposing viewpoint would strengthen the essay.
Task Achievement
Clarify the examples provided to ensure they are directly relevant and support your arguments effectively. Try to choose examples that are universally recognized and easy for the reader to understand.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the essay's topic and presents your stance, setting up a clear direction for the essay.
Task Achievement
You have incorporated some specific examples, which enhance the relevance of your arguments. This demonstrates your ability to relate the topic to real-life situations.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: