IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe the media should be allowed to publish private information about people, while others are against it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #media #information
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Social networks are one of the best platforms nowadaysindividuals think that permission should be given to publish the personal information of citizens,
the
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but the
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 rest of the
people
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 oppose it. As exposing private data can be dangerous, I believe that it should not be allowed to spread personal statistics. On the one hand, spreading personal facts can be a threat to
people
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, who love to share their secret things with social media
people
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. If anyone shares his or her bank details, bank accounts can be hacked.
Moreover
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, these published data not only remain on their national border, it may be available to the international secret agency.
For example
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, the Bangladesh election commission shared all citizens national identity cards on Facebook in 2021,
as a result
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, the secret agency RAW, India, got details about Bangladeshi
people
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, which will enable them to make a proper plan for our citizens.
On the other hand
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, if we share our private problems with the netizens, there is a high chance of getting a solution. Because these platforms are used by
people
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 who are skilled in numerous fields.
For instance
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, on Facebook, there are some secret groups like sex education, where many experts try to provide clear ideas about different sexual problems.
In addition
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, many
people
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 make themselves happy by watching other's personal enjoying moments, as they always share on X, Telegram, Instagram, and Facebook. In conclusion, even though
due to
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 these cutting-edge technologies nothing is secret today;
however
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, personal data should have remained personal.
This
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 will help
people
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 to remain cool
as well as
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 being a safe person from any potential danger.
Submitted by zobaermasum12 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas to ensure the logical flow of your arguments. This will help improve the reader's understanding of the connection between your points.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay covers both views in detail and provides a balanced discussion. While you have addressed both views, more depth on the opposing viewpoint would strengthen the essay.
Task Achievement
Clarify the examples provided to ensure they are directly relevant and support your arguments effectively. Try to choose examples that are universally recognized and easy for the reader to understand.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the essay's topic and presents your stance, setting up a clear direction for the essay.
Task Achievement
You have incorporated some specific examples, which enhance the relevance of your arguments. This demonstrates your ability to relate the topic to real-life situations.
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