IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Each individual should be held fully responsible for their own health, so government should not be responsible for covering the medical fees of their people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

It is sometimes argued that it is important for individuals to protect
by
Change preposition
apply
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themselves,
therefore
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government
Use synonyms
 does not need to provide financial
support
Use synonyms
 for them
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 medical charges. Personally, I mostly disagree with
this
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 claim because
people
Use synonyms
 have a
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 even if they continue to conduct prevention for the harmful virus and it costs too expensive to use hospitals. On the one hand, those who stand by the opinion that
people
Use synonyms
 should prevent catching a bad virus argue that the
government
Use synonyms
 should better spend the money using medical roles on other necessary things
such
Linking Words
 as educational
support
Use synonyms
 and boosting the economy.
For example
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, if the
government
Use synonyms
 gives more subsidies to poor families, the
people
Use synonyms
 might be able to gain many opportunities to learn and experience attractive events
such
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 as study abroad and factory tours. The experience for children allows them the future possibilities.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 there are negative aspects
covering
Change preposition
to covering
show examples
 medical fees by the
government
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is vital for
people
Use synonyms
 to be supported by the
government
Use synonyms
 regarding medical care.
While
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 some
people
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 say that you can protect yourself from dangerous
favors
Change the spelling
favours
show examples
 by washing hands and taking masks,
however
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 sometimes the solutions lead
waste
Add the particle
to waste
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 of time.
For instance
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, when COVID-19 spread globally, almost all
people
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prevented
Add a missing verb
were prevented
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 carefully and used masks.
Nevertheless
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, there are many
people
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 who
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 COVID-19.
As a result
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, a lot of
people
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 died.
Additionally
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, medical fees cost a lot in current society. In Japan, many
people
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 can discount the amount of money by showing their number cards. If the
government
Use synonyms
 does not conduct
this
Linking Words
 action,
people
Use synonyms
 might not want to go to hospitals.
This
Linking Words
 trend leads to an increase in
people
Use synonyms
 who have bad viruses. In conclusion, though prevention
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 is important for each individual, the
government
Use synonyms
 should continue to add medical financial
support
Use synonyms
 to save citizens.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I largely disagree
government
Use synonyms
 should not have roles to
support
Use synonyms
 medical fees.

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task achievement
Strengthen the essay by providing more detailed examples or evidence to support your points. This will enhance the relevance and specificity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between ideas by using linking words or phrases. It will help in maintaining the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt well by taking a clear stance and providing arguments to support it.
coherence cohesion
The essay consistently follows a logical structure, presenting each idea in a clear and concise manner.
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