IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
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Education
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 plays a pivotal role in everyone's life as it allows them to think independently, critically
as well as
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 creatively.
Similarly
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, it is claimed that universities should embrace the idea of having the same number of men and women in their institutions. I partially agree with the notion which I will
further
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 explain in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, supporters of gender-balanced admissions argue that it is an ideal choice because it aims to provide equal access to
education
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 for both girls and boys.
However
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,
it is clear that
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 in
this
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 male-dominated society, women often have to suffer from reluctance not only in
education
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 but in every field.
Therefore
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, it is the responsibility of educational institutions which play a primary role in teaching
students
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 from scratch that
this
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 is a society where each individual has equal duties.
Moreover
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, if all
students
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 do not receive an equal share in gaining
education
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 it has a huge impact on their future life.
For instance
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, suppose only male children receive
education
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 and participate in everyday activities that contribute to the growth of society and families. In that case, we deny female
students
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 the opportunity to follow their skills and passion.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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 true that universities must accept applications based on merits;
therefore
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, it is unfeasible for them to take the same number of
students
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 for all degree programs as most female
students
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 are more likely to pursue nursing and teaching degrees,
while
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 male mostly prefers degrees
such
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 as engineering.
As a result
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, filling these above-mentioned courses becomes difficult based on gender equality.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is crucial to provide both males and females with equal footing, giving admission based on merits is
also
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 suitable for assigning seats.
Submitted by k7jassu on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This can help illustrate your points more clearly and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. You can use linking words or phrases to enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your stance in the introduction and conclusion. Make sure it is consistently expressed throughout the essay for better coherence.
introduction conclusion
The introduction has effectively set the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion summarizes the points well.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument, which shows a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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