more students study abroad to learn new things today do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? is it positive or negative? agree or disagree to what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
era of state-of-the-art art where
people
live in a global village owing to the advancement of technology
Add a comma
,
show examples
numerous
students
are going to overseas pursue their higher education. I agree that
this
is a positive
development
where advantages are surpassed by its disadvantages. A number of
students
are going abroad to achieve their higher degree.
Therefore
, they are enable to learn different lessons which will help them in career
development
and
also
contribute future progress of the
country
in various sectors.
For instance
, in Bangladesh,
people
who are working as teachers are trying to achieve their Doctor of Philosophy (PhD)for their professional purposes. Again, a significant amount of these
people
select the USA for their PhD and at the same time the USA offers a better scope in research areas.
However
, when
people
return to their own
country
they serve their
country
by contributing to different research areas and teaching their
students
. So they play a crucial role in teaching and research areas.
Moreover
, many
students
want to go to
developed
Correct article usage
a developed
show examples
country
from
development
country
to learn the applications of cutting-edge technologies.
Furthermore
, in that
country
, they have completed different vocational courses which help them in creating job sectors after return. To cite an example, numerous
students
in Bangladesh, go to China for different diploma courses which assist them as future entrepreneurs and contribute to the
country
's
development
by establishing farmhouses.
To conclude
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
abroad offers
students
to learn different new skills which help them in their personal progression and
also
give them an opportunity to their own countries, so its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by priankajun on

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General
Work on improving the grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although the main ideas are clear, ensure that each paragraph develops only one main idea fully to improve coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support points, like the example of students going to the USA and China for educational purposes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effective in framing the discussion, making the argument clear.
Task Achievement
The overall essay maintains a clear position on the topic throughout.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Global mindset
  • Multicultural
  • Adaptability
  • Self-reliance
  • Language proficiency
  • Cross-cultural communication
  • Global job market
  • Personal growth
  • Independence
  • Financial burden
  • Homesickness
  • Academic structures
  • Acclimate
  • Career opportunities
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