There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Students
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nowadays are under pressure to achieve academic success in order to get into a well-reputable university or secure a well-paid job.
For
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this
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reason, some people argue that schools need to focus on teaching academic
subjects
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and non-academic
subjects
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should
therefore
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not be taught.
However
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, I disagree with the statement. I would argue that
although
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academic skills are important, skill-based
subjects
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should not be removed from the
school
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syllabus.
Firstly
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, schools should teach
students
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not only academic
subjects
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but
also
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a wider range of life skills that can be taken from non-academic
subjects
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so that they can take an active part in society upon leaving
school
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. Practical
subjects
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can help to teach these skills to
students
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.
For example
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, physical education teaches them how to work in a team and
also
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the importance of being healthy.
Furthermore
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, if cookery is taught,
students
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will learn a great deal about nutrition and health. The second reason why non-academic
subjects
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should not be removed is
due to
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the fact that academic
subjects
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are not equally important for all
students
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. There is a possibility for the
students
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to increase their employment prospects and get a better place to secure employment when leaving
school
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if they learn more vocational non-academic
subjects
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like textile design and IT. Because not all
students
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will continue to higher education, schools need to enable these
students
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to find work.
Finally
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, too much pressure should not be placed on the
students
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. Taking part in non-academic
subjects
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,
such
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as art, music, or drama will give
students
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the opportunity to be creative.
This
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could help them to manage stress levels and be more productive in other areas. In conclusion, I would argue that teaching academic
subjects
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should not be the sole focus of a
school
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syllabus,
although
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the
subjects
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are very important. There are a number of benefits to teaching
students
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non-academic
subjects
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.
Submitted by alfinkarimah008 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While you mention physical education and cookery, additional examples could make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are consistently supported throughout the essay. Some points could be elaborated for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of sentence structure and variety. This will help in maintaining the readers' interest and enhancing comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which help encapsulate the arguments effectively.
logical structure
Your main points are logically structured and easy to follow, contributing to the overall flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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