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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe the media should be allowed to publish private information about people, while others are against it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Several societies think that
privacy
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 is something that others should know. It can vary depending on the subject and method
that is
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 being used by the
media
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. There are some pros and cons, if agencies publish
data
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privacy
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 to everyone. I agree that private
data
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 must not be published by everyone even by the agency.
Firstly
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,
Privacy
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 is something that must be protected by
people
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 on their own because it is about the birth date, address, bank account number, love and relationship, and so on.
Then
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, there are several negative aspects, if
privacy
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 is consumed by the public. To illustrate, organizations or companies always exploit someone’s
privacy
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 to gain money
such
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 as the paparazzi. Sometimes, humans who are being exploited by the agency feel uncomfortable about
this
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 situation because their life always disturbed by the
media
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 itself or the other. To handle those problems, there is a way to save
people
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’s
data
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 or
information
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 with a regulation
such
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 as GDRP. Nowadays,
data
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privacy
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 become the number one subject which is learned by
people
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, especially for practitioners. Supporting with several
privacy
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 rules so that
media
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 cannot publish private
information
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 without agreement from the owner.
Additionally
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, a company or
media
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 that breaks the law can be punished by the government.
On the other hand
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, there are a few beneficial aspects of published seclusion,
for example
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,
people
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 will get to know others. It happens when
media
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 blows up human life on television, social
media
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, etc.
For instance
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, a reality show which tells about day-to-day activities without permitting their
privacy
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 like the Kardashian family can get a huge amount of money.
Besides
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, participants will get bored earlier, if the content still explains the private life or something like that.
To conclude
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, there are some positive and negative points that must be highlighted by companies to publish someone’s
privacy
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. I believe that
data
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privacy
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 should be protected by the owner and not exploited by others.
Media
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 must know the limitation between private or public
information
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 which will be published to be consumed by
people
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. In the end, I agree that private
information
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 must not be published by the
media
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.

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task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, try to include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will help in making your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You are doing well with coherence and logical structure. Consider using more transitional phrases to further improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay introduces the topic effectively and offers a clear conclusion, restating your opinion decisively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, and the overall structure provides a logical progression of your ideas.
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