Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Some health issues are associated with excessive consumption of products that are rich in sweeteners,
therefore
, need to be restricted with increased prices to diminish consumer demand. I disagree with
this
proposal because
this
policy can be ineffective for loyal consumers and can lead to competitive pressures. Proponents of the idea of putting up prices may argue that
this
leads to reduced consumption of harmful substances
along with
a lower risk of health problems.
This
is predicated on the belief that price-sensitive consumers will hesitate to purchase expensive candies, and
then
consider the options of healthier alternatives. Obesity and diabetes rates,
for instance
, can be diminished if people are aware of using juice or sugar-free beverages
instead
of carbonated drinks.
However
,
this
reasoning is not sound enough because some research has shown that some brands
such
as KitKat chocolate or Pepsi still sold their products out despite including tax pay.
In other words
, not all people are sensitive to premium charges and are still loyal to their brands.
Consequently
, I believe that the proposal of rising costs of sugary products is flawed for the aforementioned argument.
On the other hand
, higher costs compared to market price are proven to lower the competitiveness of many factories.
This
is because the food industry is more fierce than ever before, and taxation or any other way that has effects on the buying and selling of goods can make sugar-sweetened foods and drinks producers lose the chance to compete with their rival companies and may lead to decreased sales volume and a stagnant state.
For example
, when I go to restaurants, I prefer to order orange juice rather than Coca-Cola because it is cheaper and less artificial. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea of increasing the costs of sugary foods and beverages owing to the limited effectiveness of
this
policy, and it
also
brings more disadvantages for the producers.
Submitted by banhbao0565 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides clear and relevant arguments, but the logical coherence between sentences could be strengthened. Try to use more signposting language to guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Consider adding a brief introduction sentence before stating your disagreement. This helps in setting a better context for your stance.
Relevant Specific Examples
Your use of examples such as KitKat chocolate and Coca-Cola effectively illustrates your points, making your argument more compelling.
Logical Structure
You logically structured your essay with a clear separation of ideas in different paragraphs, which enhances readability.

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