IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of that all mothers and fathers should be required to take the childcare training courses. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #job #society #mothers #fathers #childcare #courses
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that raising children is probably the most important job anyone can possess.
However
, some people would argue that childcare training
courses
 must be compulsory for those wishing to become
parents
. I believe that, despite its benefits, it should remain the parent’s choice. One of the most significant advantages of childcare training
courses
 is that they increase the potential of
parents
 to play their role in society.
This
 is because these
courses
 aim to teach mothers and fathers important skills
such
 as controlling their temper, dealing with infants, and a lot of other qualities .
Moreover
, they explore various approaches relative to child-rearing enhancing
parents
 with different methods so they can make the decisions that suit their child’s needs the best.
As a result
, that kind of education will impact the nature of the parent-child relationship, making it healthier and nearly conflict-free.
Nevertheless
, it’s vital that
this
 initiative is the sole choice of the
parents
 and not obligatory for all of them. The reason for
this
 is that not all
parents
 need that kind of training, as some rely on their natural instincts and are capable of raising their children without
further
 education.
Thus
, forcing them to take these classes would be unjust and a waste of both their money and time, which they could put into actually caring for their young ones.
On the other hand
, if these
courses
 are considered an option, they would be approached only by those who think that that kind of training might be helpful, making the best of that education. In conclusion,
although
 taking childcare training
courses
 might be useful for conducting healthier families, I believe that
such
 training should not be a must but rather a choice in order to prevent the scattering of both time and money.
Submitted by m.mahmoud.2005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding specific examples or experiences to illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied linking phrases or vocabulary to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Occasional refinement of sentence structure could elevate clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the key argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points are logically structured and well-supported, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow from introduction to conclusion, making the argument easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parenting skills
  • Child development
  • Societal progress
  • Parental responsibility
  • Gender equality in parenting
  • Mandatory training
  • Childcare expertise
  • Family dynamics
  • Parent-child relationship
  • Emotional development
  • Physical development
  • Educational development
  • Parental autonomy
  • Socioeconomic accessibility
  • Voluntary attendance
  • Neglect and abuse prevention
  • Knowledge acquisition
  • Informed decision-making
What to do next:
Look at other essays: