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Band 6.5

The best way to measure someone’s success is to look at how much money that person has. • Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#measure #someone’s #success #money #person
Many
people
 think that having a lot of
money
 means
someone
 is successful.
However
, I don’t agree with
this
 idea.
Money
, nowadays is important,but is not the only way to see if
someone
 is successful. There are other important things to think about.
First,
success
 can be about personal achievements.
For example
, if
someone
 finishes their studies, starts
online
Add an article
an online
show examples
 business, or learns a new skill, they are successful. These things
show
 that the
person
 works hard and tries their best.
Second,
success
 can
also
 be about being happy and satisfied. Some
people
 don’t have much
money
, but they are happy with their lives. They have good relationships with their family, friends, and other
people
what
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 with them.
This
 kind of happiness shows true
success
 because the
person
 feels good about their life.
Next,
helping others is another way to measure
success
.
For instance
,
people
 who volunteer, help in their community, or support good causes are successful too. These actions
show
 that the
person
 cares about making the world better, which is a big part of being successful.
Also
, health is very important in measuring
success
. Even if a
person
 has a lot of
money
, it cannot replace good health.
Someone
 who takes care of their body and mind is likely to live a longer and happier life. So, being healthy is a key part of
success
. In conclusion,
while
money
 can
show
 some
success
, it is not the best way to measure it. Personal achievements, happiness, helping others, and good health are all important factors that
show
 true
success
.
Therefore
, we should look at these things to understand if
someone
 is really successful.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
In your essay, try to provide more varied examples that go beyond personal achievements, like societal impact or innovative contributions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next to maintain the flow and maintain the coherence of the entire essay.
task achievement
You presented a well-rounded view on the topic by considering multiple dimensions of success.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance and sets up the essay content effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively ties together the main points of your argument, reinforcing your perspective on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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