IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to measure someone’s success is to look at how much money that person has. • Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#measure #someone’s #success #money #person
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Many
people
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 think that having a lot of
money
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 means
someone
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 is successful.
However
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, I don’t agree with
this
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 idea.
Money
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, nowadays is important,but is not the only way to see if
someone
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 is successful. There are other important things to think about.
First,
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success
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 can be about personal achievements.
For example
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, if
someone
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 finishes their studies, starts
online
Add an article
an online
show examples
 business, or learns a new skill, they are successful. These things
show
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 that the
person
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 works hard and tries their best.
Second,
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success
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 can
also
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 be about being happy and satisfied. Some
people
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 don’t have much
money
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, but they are happy with their lives. They have good relationships with their family, friends, and other
people
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what
Correct pronoun usage
who
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works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 with them.
This
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 kind of happiness shows true
success
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 because the
person
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 feels good about their life.
Next,
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helping others is another way to measure
success
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 who volunteer, help in their community, or support good causes are successful too. These actions
show
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 that the
person
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 cares about making the world better, which is a big part of being successful.
Also
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, health is very important in measuring
success
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. Even if a
person
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 has a lot of
money
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, it cannot replace good health.
Someone
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 who takes care of their body and mind is likely to live a longer and happier life. So, being healthy is a key part of
success
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. In conclusion,
while
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money
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 can
show
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 some
success
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, it is not the best way to measure it. Personal achievements, happiness, helping others, and good health are all important factors that
show
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 true
success
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.
Therefore
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, we should look at these things to understand if
someone
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 is really successful.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
In your essay, try to provide more varied examples that go beyond personal achievements, like societal impact or innovative contributions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next to maintain the flow and maintain the coherence of the entire essay.
task achievement
You presented a well-rounded view on the topic by considering multiple dimensions of success.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance and sets up the essay content effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively ties together the main points of your argument, reinforcing your perspective on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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