IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people are moving from rural areas to live in cities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be solved?

#people #areas #cities
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Nowadays, more
people
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 are moving from rural
areas
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 to live in
cities
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 because
cities
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 have more jobs and better salaries.
People
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also
Linking Words
 believe that
cities
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 provide better schools, hospitals, and other important services for a comfortable life. But,
this
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 movement from rural
areas
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 to
cities
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 creates some problems. One problem is overcrowding. When many
people
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 move to a city, the population grows quickly, and it becomes hard to find housing.
This
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 can make rent and home prices very high, so not everyone can afford a place to live. Another problem is
traffic
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. More
people
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 in a city means more cars on the roads, which causes
traffic
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 jams and delays.
Finally
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, pollution is
also
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 a big problem. With more cars and factories, the air and water in
cities
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 can become dirty, which is bad for
people
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’s health , especially for
respiratory
Correct article usage
the respiratory
show examples
 system and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 organs in our body. To solve these problems, the government can take some important steps.
First,
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they can build more affordable housing to help
people
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 find places to live.
Second,
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they can improve public transport, like buses and trains, so fewer
people
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 need to drive cars.
This
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 will help to reduce
traffic
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 and pollution.
Finally
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, the government can
also
Linking Words
 create more job opportunities in rural
areas
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, so
people
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 do not feel the need to move to
cities
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 moving to
cities
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 offers better jobs and services, it
also
Linking Words
 leads to issues like overcrowding,
traffic
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, and pollution. By creating affordable housing, improving public transport, and providing job opportunities in rural
areas
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, we can help make life better for everyone, both in
cities
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 and in the countryside.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a well-organized response to the prompt. For further improvement, consider delving deeper into potential solutions and explore their feasibility and impact in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay flows logically from one point to the next, using varied transitional phrases could enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You clearly identify multiple problems such as overcrowding, traffic, and pollution, and propose corresponding solutions such as building housing, improving public transport, and creating jobs in rural areas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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