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Band 6.5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent eleswhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #arts #eleswhere
Arts
 and literature play an important role in the culture of a
society
. Sometimes
theyact
Correct your spelling
they act
they
 as the status of the
overall
 cultural practice of a country.
While
 some people consider that spending money on the
arts
 is a loss project for the government, I strongly disagree with
this
 thinking as the
arts
 have definitely a strong impact on the sociocultural sector of a particular region.
Firstly
, practising art is not just related to painting or drawing. Rather, it
also
 deals with other activities like music, dramas, literature, philosophy, politics and so on. So, it is true that
arts
 are involved with many intellectual activities which help a
society
 to continue its development.
For example
, dramas
as well as
 literature are often regarded as the mirror of a culture which helps to illustrate the present socioeconomic status
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
as well as
 the scope of development.
Moreover
, people related to
arts
 often take these practices as their profession. Another matter of fact is that people in
this
 sector require a lot of spare time to stimulate their brains enough to create more positive thinking and ideas. These ideas,
however
, may bring more creative works which can be used to represent the intellectual richness of
society
.
As a result
, the intellectuals do not get much time to think about their livelihood. So, obviously, they need enough support from the higher authority regarding
this
 matter.
For example
, a philosopher has to invest most of his time to generate more philosophical views and ideas.
Nevertheless
, the
arts
 centres
also
 require a lot of economic support in order to run their operations smoothly.
Lastly
, spending on the
arts
 can not be just a waste of money as lots of intellectual minds and creative doings are essential to strengthen the boldness and superiority of a
society
.
However
, it is the intellectuals who play a crucial role as the think tanks of a nation. So, spending on them is never a waste.
To conclude
, in my opinion, The art sector should be financed by the government without any doubt in order to build a strong nation.
Submitted by jisan.path1506605 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating slightly more on the specific examples you use to illustrate your points. This will provide more concrete evidence and clarity to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines your position on the topic, which provides clarity for the reader from the outset.
task achievement
You have successfully integrated various aspects of art and demonstrated their importance beyond just aesthetics, contributing well to task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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