IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many government thinks that economic progress is their most important goals, some people however thinks that other progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#government #progress #goals #people #country
From many years ago, the
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 of a government or a nation
is determine
Change the verb form
is determined
show examples
 by the
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 of their
economy
.
While
 many think that a
country
's progression in the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
sector
 is important, I believe that other areas
such
 as
education
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 equally as important. On the one hand, a rich government is a powerful government.
Economy
Add an article
The economy
show examples
sector
 contributes a major financial capital for a
country
.
This
 is important for the growth of one
country
.
For example
,
Singopore
Correct your spelling
Singapore
 has been a very important
country
 for their import-export in the South East Asia region from many years ago until now. With a strong
economy
, they managed to be a developed, independent
country
 despite
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 very small scale size.
On the other hand
, literacy is important to shape a nation. A
country
's image is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reflected by
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 population and
this
 can be moulded only with a proper
education
.
For instance
, a
country
 with
Correct article usage
an abundace
show examples
abundace
Correct your spelling
abundance
 of minerals and resources
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 less useful, if not
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
managed by an intellectual person.
Therefore
,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
sector
 needs to be emphasized to ensure the
country
's
prosper
Replace the word
prosperity
show examples
 to
last
. In summary, I strongly agree that other sectors including
education
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 equally important to be taken seriously
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not just the
economy
sector
. A strong and powerful
country
 has both an independent
economy
 and a high standard of
education
 level.
Submitted by Nezzy on

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language
Ensure consistency in spelling and terminology (e.g., 'economic sector' instead of 'economy sector').
coherence
Strengthen the logical structure by clearly linking examples and explaining how they support your main points.
task response
Provide more balance by elaborating on the viewpoint that prioritizes economic progress.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines both perspectives and states your own opinion.
support
You use specific examples, like Singapore, to illustrate your points, which enhances the argument.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and clearly restates your opinion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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