IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that technological advancement leads to a decrease in the quality of personal relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Discuss your views and provide relevant examples.

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In contemporary society, the pervasive influence of
technology
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 on interpersonal
relationships
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 has become a controversial issue.
While
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 some argue that technological advancements detract from the quality of personal connections, I contend that these innovations can enhance
relationships
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 if utilised judiciously.
Firstly
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,
technology
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 facilitates communication across vast distances, allowing
individuals
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 to maintain
relationships
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 that
otherwise
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 dwindle.
For instance
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, video conferencing tools enable families and friends separated from geography to engage in real-time conversations, fostering a sense of closeness despite physical separation. These digital interactions bridge physical distances, mitigating feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 offers opportunities for shared experiences that can enhance relational bonds. Online gaming, virtual book clubs and collaborative platforms allow people to engage in activities together, creating memories and cultivating camaraderie in ways that traditional methods may not accommodate.
Additionally
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, the wide variety of virtual spaces caters to diverse interests, ensuring that
individuals
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 can find communities that resonate with their personal passions and hobbies.
Conversely
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, critics assert that reliance on
technology
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 can lead to superficial interactions. The prevalence of social media platforms has led to a culture of curated personas, where
individuals
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 often prioritise online appearances over genuine connections.
While
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this
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 observation holds merit, it is crucial to recognise that the responsibility lies not with
technology
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 itself but with its users. If
individuals
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 choose to engage meaningfully,
technology
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 can serve as a tool to deepen
relationships
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 rather than diminish them. In Conclusion,
although
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 there are valid concerns regarding the impact of
technology
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 on personal
relationships
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, I firmly believe that it can enhance rather than undermine them. By using
technology
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 mindfully,
individuals
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 can nurture their connections and create lasting, meaningful
relationships
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 in an increasingly digital world.
Thus
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, it is imperative to focus on how we use these tools rather than lamenting their existence.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, but aim to expand more on the counterargument for a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Make your stance even clearer in each main body paragraph. While it's evident, emphasizing it at the start of each paragraph can make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear, well-rounded view on the topic and addresses both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong and effectively frame the essay's main argument.
support chain
Relevant and specific examples, such as video conferencing tools and online gaming, are well-integrated into the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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