IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Social media has more negative effects than positiveones to society. Do you agree or disagree?

#media #effects #positiveones #society
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In the modern world, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that social media has more disadvantages than advantages to society. I agree with
this
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 statement. The
Internet
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 has many negative effects on children and teenagers. At the same time, Some
people
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 show the opposite. They illustrate that the
Internet
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 has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
countless ways to avoid these drawbacks. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss the positives and negatives. On the one hand, Social media is the primary section of the
Internet
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, because it Structure the local and global nations. So, it
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 effective on kids and adults.
As a result
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, negative effects are possible on many sides.
For instance
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, A fraction of websites worked on a
protect
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protection
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 system to download it on kids's devices.
Consequently
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,
this
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 project has succeeded in a lot of countries. And create a safety program to avoid dangers.
Moreover
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, the benefits of social apps are useful in education, communication and shopping.
On the other hand
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, the fact that applications have passive influences is true. Because there are many risks of using the
Internet
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 every day.
For example
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, hacking networks threaten governments and
people
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's security. More than 100 thousand
people
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their
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have their
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 credit card information robbed by hackers.
Furthermore
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, children are learning some bad habits from Influencers on YouTube and TikTok.
Thereafter
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, it's crucial for parents to monitor their content consumption and guide them to avert any anonymous sources. In conclusion,
while
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 the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has many benefits, its risks, like hacking and harmful content.
Also
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, we should be careful and trace our usage of phones.
Submitted by kalmah.sa20 on

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task achievement
Try to address the prompt more comprehensively. While you have discussed both sides, ensure you elaborate more on each point to make the response more complete.
task achievement
Ensure that each main idea has specific examples and details for better support.
coherence cohesion
Enhance some transitions between ideas to strengthen the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which help guide the reader through the discussion.
coherence cohesion
You've presented a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of social media.
task achievement
The essay maintains a clear focus on the task throughout the response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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