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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The number of students going overseas to study is getting higher.Do you think this phenomenon have more advantages than disadvantages?

#students #study #phenomenon
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Nowadays,Since the world is globalized,more
students
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 have a
chance
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 to study abroad.Some people might argue that doing
this
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 provides more opportunity ,
whereas
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 others disagree and are concerned about brain drain.In the following paragraphs, both of these views will be discussed in detail. On the one hand,Studying abroad is substantially beneficial ,especially for
students
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 in developing
countries
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.There is a
chance
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 for
students
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 who are at the top of their classes to obtain knowledge from excellent professors and to utilize
this
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 knowledge making benefits to mankind.
For instance
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,In my country,
students
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 who graduated from foreign universities tend to be experts in their fields and have a higher income.
Additionally
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,going abroad means it is a good
chance
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 to learn new languages giving them more advantage compared to
students
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 who study in their own
countries
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.
On the other hand
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,there is a
chance
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 that once these
students
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 experience other
countries
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' atmosphere,they might not want to go back.
This
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 is a major concern problem for the governments leaking the best citizens to others.
Thus
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 before they sign a scholarship contract,
students
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 are forced to go back to work in their own
countries
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 within a duration of years the contract.
Moreover
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,studying abroad means they have to stay in another country for a very long period of time.
This
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 might cause mental illness problems since they do not have familiar acquaintances to talk to and still need time to adjust to different cultures. In conclusion,studying abroad is the best opportunity for
students
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 in developing
countries
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.
However
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,there is a
chance
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 that once we send those
students
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 they might not come back to help develop their own
countries
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 so the governments should consider carefully before writing the contracts.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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Grammar
Ensure consistency in punctuation use, such as space after commas.
Sentence Structure
Avoid run-on sentences; consider breaking long sentences into shorter ones for clarity.
Task Achievement
Consider balancing advantages and disadvantages more evenly for a more thorough task completion.
Structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework.
Examples
The examples provided, such as those about students in developing countries, are relevant and enhance the arguments.
Content
Broaches important concerns like brain drain effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • phenomenon
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • cultural awareness
  • language proficiency
  • career opportunities
  • international education
  • resume
  • adaptable
  • resourceful
  • educational experience
  • personal growth
  • independence
  • navigate
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