IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and tradition are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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In recent times
technology
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 has become an essential thing in
people
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's lives. It is a highly debatable issue whether traditional
cultures
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 will disappear
due to
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 the advance of
technology
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, or whether both are incompatible. Personally, I agree that
people
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 tend to
technology
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 and lose their
cultures
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. In
this
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 essay, I will outline the benefits of
technology
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 development. Social platforms play a vital role in losing
people
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's
cultures
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. Some programs like Twitter and Facebook lead
people
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 to reduce the practical way to communicate with
people
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 as they feel it is easier to meet them face to face.
For example
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, my friend Fatma who lives in a very far place enjoys using social media to contact her family.
Thus
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, it promotes the development of
technology
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.
Furthermore
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, exposing
people
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 to online education potentially may empower individuals to lose the traditional way of teaching.
For instance
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, the result of conducting research at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of universities are using online education.
As a result
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 ,
people
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 could lose some
cultures
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such
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 as working in groups.
Moreover
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, the benefits of
technology
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develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
 are not limited only to society but
also
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 are extended to individuals. It provides a safe and comfortable environment. Employees are able to work in their homes
instead
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 of going to their place of work. A good example here is my brother who works at Mazoon company which requires him to work online.
In addition
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, some students who travel abroad may forget their native language. To illustrate, many pupils from our university who travelled to the UK speak English only. So,
people
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 are active in the global language. In conclusion,
technology
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 develops are significant thing in our lives. It boosts online education and increases the use of social media.
Therefore
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, the idea of traditional
cultures
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 should be stopped.
People
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 must look for easy and simple ways to facilitate their life.

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task achievement
Strengthen your argument by thoroughly exploring the opposing viewpoint that technology and tradition can coexist, offering more examples to support both sides before concluding with your perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by logical support; this can improve how ideas flow across your essay.
coherence cohesion
Continue to develop your conclusion by summarizing key points more succinctly and underline how they relate to your thesis.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, setting up the context and summarizing your viewpoints effectively.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as those about social media and online education, which help to illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • preservation
  • integration
  • global sharing
  • evolve
  • document
  • dissemination
  • renaissance
  • cultural heritage
  • undermine
  • erosion
  • customs
  • practices
  • complex
  • multifaceted
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