IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

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In recent times crimes have become significant problems in people's lives. It is a highly debatable issue whether
prisoners
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 should be made to do unpaid
community
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work
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, or whether they should be put behind bars. Personally, I agree that
prisoners
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 may help themself and others if they are in
community
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work
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. In
this
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 essay, I will outline the benefits of allowing
prisoners
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 to do
community
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work
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.
To begin
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,gaining experience plays a vital role in participating in
community
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work
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. Many important skills
such
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 as teamwork, leadership and communication can help
prisoners
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.
For example
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, the result of conducting research at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of
prisoners
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 are able to improve their lives
due to
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 some
community
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work
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.
Thus
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, it promotes a sense of confidence.
Moreover
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, the benefits of
prisoners
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 who assist in
community
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work
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 are not limited only to the
prisoners
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 but
also
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 are extended to society. People can have a chance to reduce their load of
work
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.
For instance
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, when my friend Fatma travelled to other countries, she saw many
prisoners
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work
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 as cleaners. So,
prisoners
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 are empowered to invest their time.
In addition
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, exposing
prisoners
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 to various
work
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,
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apply
show examples
 potentially leads them to develop their lives.
Prisoners
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 will feel free to avoid committing any crime. To illustrate, they know the value of their life
such
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 as freedom , air and time.
As a result
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, they
work
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 hard to achieve the best.
Furthermore
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, social
work
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 has been linked to many mental health benefits like reducing anxiety and depression. Working is able to make them busy and forget bad things. A good example here is that
prisoners
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 who
work
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 in the USA and help people are glad and happy. In conclusion, the number of crimes has increased these days.
Community
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work
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 boosts the development of social skills and increases the happiness of
prisoners
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.
Therefore
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, the idea of putting them in jail should be stopped. They must practice some
work
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 to correct their mistakes.

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task achievement
The essay effectively articulates a position on prisoners doing unpaid community work, supported by relevant arguments. To reach a higher level, consider addressing potential counterarguments to present a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain the essay's clarity by using transition words effectively to link ideas between paragraphs, which will enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates good task achievement by addressing the prompt clearly and providing relevant examples that support the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly outlining your stance and summarizing the key points made throughout the essay.
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