IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #car #motorbike
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Some
people
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 believe that the most effective way to improve
road
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safety
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 is
increasing
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by increasing
show examples
 the minimum legal
age
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 for driving cars or motorbikes. I completely disagree with
this
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 viewpoint because
road
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accidents
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 and violation of traffic rules do not depend on a person's
age
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 and there are other reasons for
accidents
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such
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 as overspeeding and drinking and driving.
Road
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accidents
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 do not depend on the
age
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 of a person. The actual
cause
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 of
road
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accident
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accidents
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 is becoming reckless or violating traffic rules on the
road
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 and someone can
cause
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 that at any
age
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. No matter what their
ages
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 are and whether they are young or adults. There are several
evidence
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pieces of evidence
show examples
 available about adult
people
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 violating traffic regulations and becoming reckless on the
road
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 which
result
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results
show examples
 in
accidents
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.
For example
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, in Australia, adult
people
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at
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between
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their
Change the word
the
show examples
ages
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 of
30s
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the 30s
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 and 40s become
reskless
Correct your spelling
reckless
restless
 on the
road
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 and
cause
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accidents
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.
Moreover
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, there are other reasons which restrict
road
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safety
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such
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 as overspeeding and drinking and driving. Human beings are adventurous by nature and they want to have the taste of breaking the rules and laws.
Age
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 is not a factor here. Both
over speeding
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overspeeding
show examples
 and drinking and driving are caused by careless
people
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 regardless of their
ages
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to ensure
road
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safety
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, these causes should be addressed properly.
For example
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, in Delhi, India, around 58% of
road
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accidents
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 are caused by drinking and driving. In conclusion, I completely agree with the viewpoint that
,
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apply
show examples
age
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 is not a
cause
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 of
road
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accidents
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. To ensure
road
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safety
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, increasing the
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 of
people
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 to get a driver's license is not a solution rather addressing the actual causes of
accidents
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 will be a solution.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Try to strengthen your argument by further diversifying the examples used to support your points. This will provide a more comprehensive coverage of the reasons contributing to road accidents.
task achievement
Make sure to avoid minor grammatical errors such as the omission of articles and slight misuse of tenses to ensure clarity and precision in writing.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is quite cohesive, consider using linking words like 'furthermore' or 'additionally' to enhance the flow between the main points.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the tone by stating your disagreement with the proposed solution clearly and succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Very strong conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your argument against increasing the minimum driving age.
task achievement
You use specific examples effectively, such as those from Australia and India, to support your main points, illustrating real-world application of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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