IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some high schools, part of the curriculum requires students to participate in community work such as helping the elderly or disabled. In what way do children benefit from this? Do you think it should be part of the curriculum?

#schools #part #curriculum #students #community #work #children #benefit
In some high schools,
students
 participate in
community
work
such
 as helping elderly and
disable
Change the form of the verb
disabled
show examples
 people as a
part
 of their
curriculum
. It teaches
students
 to become kind-hearted and empathetic towards
others
. I personally believe that
this
 should be a
part
 of their
curriculum
 because they learn to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
Students
 learn to become kind-hearted and empathetic if they participate in
community
work
 as a
part
 of their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. If
students
 become kind-hearted and empathetic they will experience and understand the sufferings of
others
 and will try to help them. These
students
 learn the importance of helping
others
.
For example
, in India, all high school
students
 study a course named "
Community
 and Human Services" which allows them to experience and understand the struggles and sufferings of
others
 and they become empathetic and kind-hearted. I think that participating in
community
work
 should be a
part
 of the school
curriculum
 because it will help them to become good human beings. The primary goal of an education system is not only
preparing
Change the verb form
to prepare
show examples
students
 for employment but
also
 help them to become good human beings. If
students
 become educated but they do not show empathy and kindness towards
others
, their education does not have any value.
For example
, in Bangladesh, many schools prioritize teaching human attributes over other academic knowledge to
students
 because they believe that it will help to make them good human beings. In conclusion, participating in
community
work
 helps
students
 to become kind-hearted and empathetic. I personally believe that
this
 should be added to the school
curriculum
 because it will help them to become good humans.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or statistics to solidify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next, possibly with the use of linking words.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the arguments effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples were used, such as the programs in India and Bangladesh, which added value to the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • empathy
  • emotional intelligence
  • social skills
  • team collaboration
  • real-world experience
  • civic responsibility
  • self-esteem
  • hands-on learning
  • career exploration
  • skill development
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!