IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think is a positive or negative development?

#countries #consumers #supermarket #food #world #development
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In many
countries
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, you can find easy
products
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 from another country in a supermarket, I believe
this
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 because it makes many people try new experiences and new
habits
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 from other
countries
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. It should be seen as a positive development because the popularity of
food
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products
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 can increase export
salaries
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. Nowadays, the availability of international
food
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products
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 can be easy to access in any supermarket. No matter what the essentials where are from the
products
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, they are easy to find in
another region
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other regions
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.
For instance
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, the availability of
fruits
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 in
country
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countries
show examples
 which are not plants in
Indonesia
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such
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 as blueberries, raspberries, and other
fruits
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.
This
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food
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 can grow in Europe, and now can easily to accessed in any supermarket in
Indonesia
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.
This
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 is not can only make it easy for citizens in
Indonesia
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 to try new experiences but
also
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 promote healthy
habits
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. I think
this
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 is a positive development,
this
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 experience can allow many people all over the world to try cultural exchange and understand new
habits
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 from other
countries
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.
Additionally
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, increasing the consumption of
fruits
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 can increase the popularity of
food
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products
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, which can provide to promote import or expand
salaries
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.
Also
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,
Indonesia
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 can export their tropical
fruits
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 to other
countries
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 where there unavailable.
For example
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, Mangos and coconut can not grow in subtropical
countries
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 which can result in high
salaries
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. In conclusion, emphasizing the newness of their meal
products
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 in advertising is an effective way for other people to try new healthy
habits
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 and experiences.
This
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 is a positive development because the popularity is able to support the
salaries
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.
Submitted by dliyaa on

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of global food availability. However, it could benefit from exploring more perspectives and possible drawbacks to balance the argument further.
task achievement
There are clear and comprehensive ideas presented, though they can benefit from more elaboration and explanation. Consider making the connections between ideas and their implications more explicit.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, which strengthen the argument. Consider using a wider range of examples to support the main points more thoroughly.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the transition between ideas needs more work for smoother reading. Try to improve transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has both an introduction and conclusion present, which is good. Ensure that the conclusion summarizes key points clearly and ties back to the introduction effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are supported, but more detailed explanations would help solidify connections between points. Consider going deeper into your examples and expanding them into supporting arguments.
task achievement
The essay effectively includes relevant examples to support the main points, especially when discussing the availability and benefits of international food products in supermarkets.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good framing for the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
What to do next:
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