IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaur, dodos…) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#process #species #e #g #dinosaur #dodos… #reason #people
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It is explicit that a lot of
species
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 disappeared
due to
 the climate change caused by human
species
. Some believe that people are not responsible for
this
 extinction.
However
, I aggressively assert that people have to protect nature because of the responsibility that they have
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
and the sustainability of the human
species
.
Firstly
, humans have been predators of nature for a long time and are accused of most of the destruction. Especially, since the 19th century, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrialization began, they have
conducted
Verb problem
done
show examples
 lots of harm to nature.
For example
, fossils have been used as human critical resources and fossils are one of the causes of climate change.
Furthermore
, a variety of
species
 are helpful for human sustainability. Because animal
species
 are important
humans’
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
show examples
 resources and medical materials.
For instance
, most consumed animal
species
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are concentrated
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
few
species
,
such
 as
cow
Fix the agreement mistake
cows
show examples
,
pig
Fix the agreement mistake
pigs
show examples
, and
chicken
Fix the agreement mistake
chickens
show examples
.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
this
 could cause severe failure of food control and lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
global starvation. In conclusion, the responsibility for destroying
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
show examples
 and the necessity to protect future resources apparently support my viewpoint. For these reasons, it is evident that we must prevent various animal
species
 from disappearing.
Submitted by ellykim419 on

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task achievement
Your task achievement is strong, as you have presented a clear stance on the topic and have provided relevant reasons to support your view. However, make sure to further elaborate on your ideas with more comprehensive examples for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay is organized well with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph has a clear purpose. Consider strengthening the transitions between ideas to further enhance the cohesion.
task achievement
You have effectively touched on significant reasons why protecting animal species is essential, such as human responsibility and sustainability.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion which summarizes the main points well.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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