Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
children
Use synonyms
are highly interested
to spend
Change preposition
in spending
show examples
their time using mobile phones because they are more interested towards technology. I believe that
this
Linking Words
development is positive
while
Linking Words
the excessive
use
Use synonyms
of it is fatal for
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
of every person particularly growing kids. Technology, particularly the
use
Use synonyms
of smartphones, has become very common among
children
Use synonyms
. First of all, in schools now, technological-based studies are more likely to be taught rather than using conventional methods, only. To exemplify it, in Bangkok's elite school,
children
Use synonyms
are permitted to
use
Use synonyms
technological gadgets
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
vast
Correct article usage
a vast
show examples
pace, where they learn artificial intelligence tools, which excessively increase their demand and interest towards it.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
usually watch multiple online applications
such
Linking Words
as YouTube for videos, which
also
Linking Words
develops interest in it by exploring various contents.
Linking Words
While the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
use
Use synonyms
of cell phones is quite positive regarding communication purposes,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching any useful
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
related to arts, learning materials, and fun purposes.
However
Linking Words
, it negatively
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
health
Use synonyms
of young minds because they develop their mindset
according to
Linking Words
the content, which they usually watch and follow.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
affects mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
because after using
such
Linking Words
technological devices, they are unlikely to take part in any physical games.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
from India are highly affected
due to
Linking Words
maximum screen time.
As a result
Linking Words
, they become depressed
due to
Linking Words
insufficient healthy activity, and lack of communication with others. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
smartphone development has useful purposes, I believe that it
also
Linking Words
impacts the physical and mental
health
Use synonyms
of a child that
exacerbates
Wrong verb form
exacerbated
show examples
in the future.
Submitted by rooha.javed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in effectively achieving the task response.
task achievement
Clarify ideas to make them more comprehensive, focusing on how each point leads to your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and succinctly outline the writer's position.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to both parts of the question, discussing why children spend time on phones and the impacts of this.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: