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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004 .

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004 .
#consumption #fish #kinds #meat #european #country
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The line graph highlights information about the intake of three types of meat
such
Linking Words
 as chicken,
beef
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,
lamb
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 and fish in a European country, over a
period
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 of 25
years
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 from 1979 to 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were two the same and decreasing trends in the
grams
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 of
beef
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 and
lamb
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,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
grams
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 of chicken rose dramatically and outraced both of them within the
25
Correct your spelling
25-year
years
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period
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 from 1979 to 2004.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the figure for consumption of fish showed a slight drop throughout the
period
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. In
details
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detail
show examples
, the
grams
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 of
beef
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 and
lamb
Use synonyms
, which were consumed by people, revealed the same and declining trends.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the figure for the intake of
beef
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 fell sharply until the end and halved,
while
Linking Words
 reaching a whopping 240
grams
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 in 1982, dropping from 220
grams
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 to
110grams
Correct your spelling
110 grams
. The level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption of
lamb
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also
Linking Words
 mirrored the
beef
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’s trend, albeit less than that of
beef
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, decreasing from 150
grams
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 to 80
grams
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. In
this
Linking Words
 time, the trend of eating chicken climbed dramatically till the end and outraced both
of
Change preposition
apply
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trends, from 145 to 250 within the
25
Correct your spelling
25-year
years
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period
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, between 1979-2004. Turning to the consumption of fish, the trend decreased slowly till the end with some fluctuations, from 60 to 45 during the
25
Correct your spelling
25-year
years
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period
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, from 1979 to 2004.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words beef, lamb, period, years, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • fish
  • meat
  • poultry
  • beef
  • lamb
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • gradual
  • significant
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trough
  • steady
  • correlation
  • period
  • data
  • comparison
  • predominant
  • kilograms per capita
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
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