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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some peoople think that competition at wotk, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather tha competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#peoople #competition #wotk #school #life #tha
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It is argued that
competition
 in daily life,
such
 as at work or school, is a good thing
whereas
 others think that people ought to collaborate more
instead
 of competing.
While
competition
 could prompt
competitiveness
,
this
 essay believes that we should cooperate more, as cooperation is more effective
due to
 resource sharing. On the one hand, many think that
competition
 pushes for
competitiveness
 which is crucial for outstanding results. With
competitiveness
, people try to beat others by doing more things and achieving better results.
However
, I believe that
this
 can create unhealthy ways of competing and results in many unfair behaviours.
For example
, many professional athletes have been caught using illegal drugs to enhance their performance to sustain their high performance.
This
 illustrates how
competitiveness
 could result in unfair and unlawful behaviours.
On the other hand
, others believe that collaboration is superior
than
Change the preposition
to
show examples
competition
 because of its effectiveness. With many people collaborating together, they can share their resources and do things together.
As a result
, cooperation prompts better ways to achieve sustainable, better achievements with easier efforts.
For instance
, many studies show that students who study together tend to have better grades compared to students who study alone.
This
 is because students who study together can share their notes and ask their friends about unfamiliar topics they have not mastered yet.
To conclude
,
while
 many think that
competition
 is good
to create
Change preposition
for creating
show examples
 better outcomes through
competitiveness
,
this
 essay believes that collaboration is better, as it prompts better effectiveness by sharing resources.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

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task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument more equally. Your essay does a good job at discussing cooperation but could expand slightly more on the potential benefits of competition.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay consistently uses transitions to connect ideas between paragraphs, further enhancing the logical flow.
task achievement
Excellent explanation of cooperation and its benefits provides a strong understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and provide a balanced overview of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • drive innovation
  • improve productivity
  • dynamic workplace
  • motivate students
  • strong work ethic
  • self-improvement
  • sense of accomplishment
  • collaborative atmosphere
  • enhanced teamwork
  • sharing of diverse ideas
  • comprehensive solutions
  • social skills
  • sense of community
  • supportive environment
  • communal well-being
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