IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, hair cut and beauty product to enhance their appearence. some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while other that there is a better way to spend it. discuss both views and give yor opinion.

#people #money #clothes #hair #beauty #product #appearence #yor
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Nowadays, physical
appearence
Correct your spelling
appearance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the
firts
Correct your spelling
first
 and foremost thing which
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
 notices. So, people invest a lot
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 buying different attires, beauty products and haircuts to look more attractive and appealing.
while
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 few of them
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
this
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 fund could be invested somewhere else like in
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 to secure their future.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss my unbiased opinion
along with
Linking Words
former
Add an article
the former
show examples
 and latter
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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. Spending
money
Use synonyms
 on clothes and beauty products is a great choice
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 it
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
morale
Add an article
the morale
show examples
 of individuals. If someone is carrying themselves
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 an attractive way it will build confidence among them.
For instance
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, at office presentations
Add a comma
,
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if an employee is dressed well, they will look more presentable and confident.
Additionally
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, some people want to look rich and want to present their lavish lifestyle
show
Fix the infinitive
to show
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 their status and class in front of
socitey
Correct your spelling
society
.
On the other hand
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of investing
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
thses
Correct your spelling
these
products
Add a comma
products,
show examples
 one should spend it on other useful things for
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 fruitful future.
Firstly
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, spending on education is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best option because it will be helpful in gaining knowledge
as well as
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 enhancing skills by which one can develop
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 bright future.
Moreover
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,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 can invest
little
Correct word choice
a small
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to earn more. To
examplyfy
Correct your spelling
explain
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
running small businesses like
nails
Change the noun form
nail
show examples
saloon
Correct your spelling
salons
show examples
 and working as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 makeup artist can help in earning more which could be
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 and help one to manage their expenses.
To conclude
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, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views have equal significance. As it is common saying that,
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 impression is the
last
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 impression. So, presenting yourself
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 an attractive way is important.
However
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, people should invest
money
Use synonyms
 wisely.
Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on

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grammar
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors such as 'firts', 'beleive', and 'examplyfy'. These can distract from the clarity of your ideas.
writing style
Ensure each paragraph has a clear and focused topic sentence to enhance coherence.
task response
Provide more detailed examples and explanations to fully support your points and enhance task achievement.
writing style
Work on sentence variety to make your writing more engaging.
content
The essay offers a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for task achievement.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the discussion.
coherence
The essay maintains a clear focus on the topic throughout, helping to maintain coherence.
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