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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that they should not go to school until they are older. Discuss both these views anf give your opinion

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A group of people believe that
children
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 should
began
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begin
show examples
 to
study
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 in
school
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 at the very beginning of their
age
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,
while
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 others think that
children
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 should not go for academic
study
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 unless they are old enough. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss and elaborate on both perspectives.
To begin
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 with, those who prioritize that
children
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 should go to
school
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 at an early
age
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, the reason behind it, they think if their
children
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 go to
school
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 from the beginning of their life, they will be more efficient learners in academic
study
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.
For example
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, Mina started to go to
school
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 at the
age
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 of four, she learned basic logical math and improved over time; now she can solve very difficult math problems easily. So, by starting
school
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 from an early
age
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; her family found that it improved her quality of academic knowledge and problem-solving skills as well.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 and families who believe that their
children
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 should not go to
school
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 until the right time arrives, because of giving their
children
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 proper family education.
For instance
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, Sadi's
parents
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 gave him a good quality education at home and taught him how to behave with society
as well as
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 guests including friends. He learned ethical adequacy from his
parents
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, it is beneficial for
children
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.
Thereafter
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, at the
age
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 of seven, his
parents
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 sent him to a
school
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 to learn academic knowledge.
Therefore
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, he understood the academic lectures and lessons as well and he managed to make some friends and
study
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 with them. In conclusion, in my opinion, both perspectives have their own criteria to emphasise but I think
children
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 should be more prioritised until they are mature enough to understand how to react to others and how to be friendly with other people, that will make them better at education than sending them to the
school
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 at the early stage of child's life.

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coherence/structure
Your essay could benefit from clearer logical progression. Ensure each point leads naturally to the next for better flow.
task examples/details
Your arguments need more support from specific examples and evidence; this would lend more weight to your viewpoint.
structure/introduce/conclude
Introduce and conclude your essay more distinctly to provide a clear structure for your discussion.
examples/relevance
The examples provided, such as the ones about Mina and Sadi, help illustrate your points and are relevant.
balance/task response
You've addressed both views on when children should start school, which shows a balanced examination of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social interactions
  • educational foundation
  • structured learning
  • emotional and psychological readiness
  • effective learning
  • cost-effective
  • childcare centers
  • explore their interests
  • creativity
  • love of learning
  • parental burden
  • economic considerations
  • childhood freedom
  • natural learning
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