Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunityto help others. To what extend do you agree or disagree

Some

people

believe that one of the prominent benefits of being affluent is that they can think of others. I, personally agree with the notion that rich

people

can play a crucial role in uplifting the condition of poor

people

because of mainly two main reasons;

firstly

, they are capable of doing various charitable works.

Secondly

, they can create employment opportunities for

people

. To commence with, Rich

people

can help privileged

people

by carrying out various charity works

such

as donating to NGOs and orphanages. They

also

can initiate the helping hands by providing food, medical assistance, education and shelter for those who are deprived of it. Since

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

rich

people

have immense money, they can allocate a certain portion of their income to help

people

who are in need. There are so many wealthy

people

in the world who are contributing to enhancing the living standard of the

people

For example

: Ratan Tada, the director of Tada Group donates 99% of his total revenue to the well-being of deprived

people

. He

also

operates two NGOs.

In addition

people

who are living on welfare have the ability to run any kind of business.

Therefore

, by establishing a company,they can help the poor to get a job.

Consequently

, it will help them to improve their

overall

lifestyle.

Moreover

, they can share their experiences with the youngsters, which can motivate them to work harder and achieve the same level of success.

To sum up

, having a sufficient amount of money can give

people

the confidence to work for others.

However

, I don't think that it is necessary to have money in order to help

people

. Anyone willing to help others can help irrespective of financial status.

Submitted by promishtumrok654 on Fri Jan 19 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance cohesion and reduce repetition. Using a mix of complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences can make your writing more engaging.

Coherence & Cohesion

Introduce each main point in a new paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Make sure to support your points with specific details, following them with explanations or examples.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on developing a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. A well-rounded conclusion can enhance the overall structure of your essay.

Task Achievement

Address the prompt fully. Be sure to express your own opinion clearly and support it throughout the essay. Stay on topic and make sure each point is relevant to the task question.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more specific and varied examples to support your ideas. While one example is provided, using a range of examples could strengthen your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunityto help others. To what extend do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a countries success, while others think that other factors can be used to measure a countries success. What are these Factors? Which do you think are most important?

Some people believe that it is possible for a country to be economically successful and have a clean environment. Others argue that these two aims are not compatible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays most green energy is becoming ever more prevalent in both developed and developing countries. Some argue they greatly reduce costs and are better for the environment, others believe they are a serious threat to energy security. Discuss both views and give your opinion.