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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
The way how to handle bad situations might be diverse for people nowadays, Especially unsatisfactory jobs or a shortage of money. Some agree to receive it and some do not, including me. In my opinion, it is better to improve bad situations and I would like to discuss it in the next few sentences. Unsatisfactory situations
such
 as work and money issues should be improved, if it does not align with our needs or passion, plenty of people resign from their current duty because their income can not afford to finance excesses.
For example
, parents who have children will not be able to provide money
while
 the need increases. Responsible parents will not remain, they have to take the wheel by working double for additional income or apply for better work.
On the other hand
, some might prefer to leave their current job because they eventually discover their true passion, as a sample, we see numerous employees find themselves are excellent entrepreneurs when they challenge themselves to the new opportunity for a better situation. In comparison, not every person has the nerve to surge their circumstances.
That is
 why, they tend to accept the poor circumstances without attempting another opportunity.
For example
, millennial generations nowadays choose to dwell in their current condition because afraid of losing jobs or facing risks and
also
 their experiences make them used to it.
Therefore
 they commence to feel comfort even if it affects many aspects of their lives.
Overall
, Improving bad conditions works for people who have obstacles in finance and boosts them to step out and aspire to preferable conditions.
While
 the others choose to face it and remain in the safe zone.
Submitted by mutiaraanggun1995 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, the introduction could be a bit more structured. Consider clearly stating both sides of the argument before presenting your own opinion.
logical structure
The logical flow of your essay is generally good, but there are a few places where the connection between ideas could be clearer. Try using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
complete response
You've addressed the task well by discussing both views and providing your opinion, but consider elaborating a bit more on each viewpoint to show a deeper engagement with the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear, but the language could be polished in some areas to enhance clarity. Try to simplify or rephrase complex sentences for better comprehension.
relevant specific examples
You have included relevant examples, but consider expanding on them to illustrate your points more vividly. Providing more details would strengthen your argument.
supported main points
Strengthen your main points with additional evidence or examples. This will make your argument more compelling.
task response
You have presented both views and provided your own opinion, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which aids readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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